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But instead of running away, I asked, “What kind of cookies?”
“Two kinds—peanut butter, and chewy chocolate chip.”
How could I say no to peanut-butter cookies?
I went into the kitchen and took a seat across from him at the small table. It wasn’t the one they ate at, but I noticed they often sat there when someone was cooking or doing dishes to chat with them.
He had the jug of milk on the table, got a glass, and poured some for me too. We were quiet as we dunked our treats, and I tried to figure out what in the fuck one said to their boyfriend’s dad. I didn’t know if Idaho had a sports team I could pretend to care about.
“Has Bastian told you much about my past?” Harold asked, probably wondering what in the hell his son saw in me.
“No,” I replied, curious where this was going.
“I was raised by an aunt and uncle. They never wanted kids and weren’t happy about getting stuck with me. They never missed an opportunity to tell me that either. I won’t get into details, but nasty people, the both of them. I was real hard, angry at the world and all that. Didn’t end up being a very nice person myself. Not the same as them, but it’s hard to be good to people when you’re so pissed off all the time and don’t like yourself very much.”
I…didn’t know what to say to that. I was shocked. This story was the last thing I’d expected, and it sure as shit didn’t sound like the man who was sitting across from me right now. “I can’t picture that, to be honest. What changed?”
“Marcie,” he replied simply. “I can’t say it was all her. I had to want to be better, but I didn’t want to be better until she came into my life. Wouldn’t leave me alone, that one, which let me tell you, back then a woman going after what she wanted wasn’t a real popular idea, but I loved that about her. Took me a hell of a long time to be able to tell her that. But no matter how much I tried to pretend I didn’t need her, that I didn’t need anyone, I did. I thank God every day for her now even if it means I gotta hide my cookies.”
I chuckled.
“Anyway, I’m not telling you that because I think you’re like me in the anger department, and honestly, I don’t know your past either. I could be way off base, but I see something in your eyes that I didn’t realize at the time, but was always in the reflection staring back at me in the mirror.”
“What’s that?” I asked, surprised at how much I wanted to know.
I didn’t move when Harold reached over and put a wrinkled hand on top of mine. “You deserve to be happy, son…and you deserve to be loved. If you know that, feel free to ignore me. If you don’t, I wanna make sure you understand it, so I’ll say it again. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be loved. Sebastian is like his mama and has a whole lotta love to give if you’ll let him. She taught me how to do the same. It breaks my heart when I think about the fact that Sebastian didn’t know if he could come out to us when he was younger. My son should have never had to question us, and I hate that he did, but I’ll make damn sure he knows how loved he is now, and if you let us, this family will do the same for you.”
He got blurry, and it took me a moment to realize there were unshed tears in my eyes. I swiped them away. This wasn’t like me. I wasn’t much of a crier, but I’d never felt this, never had this before. I didn’t know how to accept it, how to believe him, and yet at the same time, somehow, I did. “Thank you. I…I’m not very good in moments like this, but thank you. Sebastian is a good man, and it’s clear where he got it from. Don’t be too hard on yourself about his fear of coming out. It doesn’t matter how much queer people might know they’ll be accepted and loved, that fear will always be there for us. It doesn’t come from you. It comes from living in a world where some people hate us for who we are and want to take away our right to happiness.”
He nodded and pulled his hand back. “Yep, I’ll never understand it. That’s why we gotta hold tight to the ones we have, the ones who will always have our best interests at heart.”
I nodded.
“I like you, Declan. I’m glad Sebastian has you.”
