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Tired of actively not letting myself be happy because then it wouldn’t hurt as much when I lost it.
Tired of being so worried I’d end up alone, I worked to make it happen.
Harold’s story filled my thoughts…how he’d been angry and afraid, but how he’d taken a chance when he fell in love, and now the life he had. He didn’t know me, yet he’d treated me as more of a son than my own dad did. He’d said I was worth it. That I was lovable, and if I knew that was true about him, maybe I could believe it was true about myself too.
I turned to look at the house—it was unlivable now and had been for years—and remembered the sad boy who grew up there, the one who was alone and didn’t talk until he took a risk and let people in. I wasn’t going to be that little boy anymore.
My father’s choices weren’t my fault.
I didn’t do anything wrong.
Sebastian loved me.
I started the car and pulled away from the curb, wishing like hell I hadn’t broken my phone so I could call him. I drove directly to Sebastian’s house, hands drumming an impatient beat against the steering wheel as I was stalled by the Southern California traffic.
When I finally made it to his place, there were still a few determined people outside. They turned their attention to the Jeep, taking photos and yelling questions at me through the windows. I still couldn’t believe I’d been able to outrun them earlier. But they clearly knew they couldn’t step foot on Sebastian’s property because they didn’t follow me through the gate when I went inside.
“Declan, what did you think about your dad’s story?” someone yelled. “Did you and Sebastian have an affair? How long have you been together?” followed by other questions as I made my way to Sebastian’s porch. They grated against my skin. I hated this, but if I had to deal with this to keep him, I would.
The second I hit the steps, he was opening the door as if he’d been watching for me. We stood there together, neither of us moving, and I just looked at him…how fucking beautiful he was. The way his chocolate-brown hair lived between curly and straight. His eyes that were a honeyed whiskey and held so much love, I could feel it. His lips that I’d noticed the first time I saw him, all those years ago, and how I loved the feel of them against my skin and hearing soft words spill from them.
“You’re back,” he said softly.
“I’m sorry I left. I love you. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to deal with things like this by myself.” Because I did, didn’t I? Even when it came to my friends, I was there for them but didn’t make it easy for them to be there for me. I wasn’t going to let myself do that anymore. “Can I kiss you?” I asked, not caring about the audience too far away to hear us but close enough to see. I really didn’t fucking care. I wanted the world to know he was mine.
“Yeah…you can always kiss me.” He grinned.
There was so much shit to work through. I would never be the kind of guy who liked being in the public eye. I didn’t know how I would handle our private business getting shared or people coming into Driftwood just to try and catch a glimpse of Sebastian. But the alternative was losing him, and I damn sure wasn’t going to let that happen.
So I took a step closer, held his face in my hands and brushed my fingers against his cheeks. “I love you,” I said before lowering my mouth to his. I tasted my future on his lips, sunshine and laughter, and fuck, ten years of friendship because that’s what we had, didn’t we? We might not have talked every week, and we’d told ourselves it was just sex for so long, but Sebastian had always kept up with me, even then. He’d texted to check in and see how I was doing. It had always been more than sex on some levels, but I’d never let myself see it.
His arms wrapped around me. People cheered from the street, and part of me wanted to melt into the porch because this wasn’t my style, but damned if it didn’t feel good too.
When he pulled back, his cheeks were pink, and his smile stole my breath. “I love you too, Declan. Let’s go inside.”
I nodded. Sebastian took my hand, and I followed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Sebastian
“Have you talked to the guys?” I asked, figuring he had since he was now here with me, only Declan surprised me by shaking his head.
We went straight upstairs together, not needing words to know what we both wanted.
