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“Your life is like a movie,” Bri comments.
“Jax insisted on taking me home. You know, Jaxon Payne, always the hero, making sure the damsel is safe and sound. So I said that I’d get him a towel, but instead of staying out here,” I say, motioning to the living room, “he followed me down the hallway, found my room, and saw a few of the things that I’d been holding onto and . . . then he touched me.”
“Oh, shit, I just got shivers. But you’re going to have to clarify what kind of touch it was,” Bri interjects.
I think back to that moment, how his eyes gazed into mine and he lifted his hand slowly, making his intention clear. I know without a doubt that I won’t be able to explain this the right way, so I get to my feet. Bri looks at me with a confused, blank expression. “Get up,” I tell her. She does as she’s told but still watches me with an odd curiosity until I clarify, “I can’t explain it, so I’m going to show you what happened.”
“Yes,” she says, pumping her fist in the air.
“Alright, you’re me,” I tell her then give instructions to take her hair out and squat down a little so the height difference between us would be correct. She gives me an excited nod and puts on a dreamy face as she bats her eyelashes at me. “I do not look like that.”
“Shut up and get the show on the road.”
I can’t help but laugh at her excitement as I put on the show of a lifetime. I focus on her eyes, giving her the same lustful look that Jax had given me. Though at this point, I already had goosebumps covering my whole body. I take the two agonizingly slow steps toward her, letting her see his intentions as my eyes continue to bore into hers.
Finally reaching her, I tilt my head down before slowly raising my hand and gently pushing her hair behind her ear. My hand trails down the side of her face and down her arm as I shuffle my body closer to hers. “Holy shit,” she murmurs. “You’re going to get me all hot and bothered if you keep going.”
At that, I crack up and step back out of her personal space. “Yeah, well imagine how I felt.”
“Fuck. Yeah, you would have been screwed.”
“Literally.”
“I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’ve seen him in action, picking up countless girls, and not once has he looked at one of them the way you just looked at me. I hate to be the one to tell you, but that boy is still in love with you.”
I shake my head before she has even finished her sentence. “No, there’s no way. He made it pretty clear that it was a one-time deal. I broke his heart. No, I shattered it, and I have to deal with those consequences.”
“Babe,” she says, regret in her voice and sadness in her eyes. “I think there’s still something there.”
“There’ll always be something there, but it’s different now. It’s not the same as it used to be. I don’t know, it almost felt like the goodbye we didn’t get three years ago,” I explain. “And besides, he’s so close to his dream of being in the NHL, he doesn’t need me around screwing it up.”
“Well, with all due respect to Jaxon,” she starts. “He’s a great player, but I’m pretty sure he needs a girl like you around to keep him grounded. He’s most likely going to screw the wrong chick and get himself in trouble, then he can kiss the NHL goodbye.”
“Probably,” I grunt in agreement. “But there’s no hope. I broke his heart in a big way, and I don’t think he will ever forgive me for leaving him. Hell, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself.”
“Okay, well, answer me this,” she says, placing her hands on my shoulders and looking me straight in the eyes. “Are you physically and emotionally able to get through the day knowing he will never be a part of your life?”
“No,” I sigh. “That’s not something I can live with.”
“Okay,” she continues. “Are you still madly in love with him?”
I look her squarely in the eyes as I answer. “Yes, Bri. You know I am.”
“Do you want him back?”
With a sad, resigned sigh I answer. “Yes. I want him back.”
“Good,” she smiles. “Then the new plan is to weasel your way back in. Go to every party. Make yourself known on campus. Become his best friend for all I care, but be present. The boys run every morning around campus and now, so do we. You need to show him that you are here to stay and that you will do whatever it takes to earn his forgiveness. Hell, even if we have to play dirty games. We’ll make that boy sweat if we have to.”
