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I have a lot to think about where Cass is concerned, especially after everything that happened at the wedding, and so I did the only thing that helps me sort through my head in times like these—practically kill myself in the gym. The moment I returned back to my place, I promptly collapsed on the couch, which is where I’ve stayed ever since, assuming Cass wouldn’t be back on campus until late afternoon.
Bobby had taken one look at me, smirked, and said, “Looks good on you.” I gave him a blank stare, denying that I knew what he was talking about, but it is pretty damn obvious. I have Cass back in my life, in a strange, together-but-not-really-together kind of way, and for the first time in years, I’m starting to feel settled within myself. I’ve not been as grouchy or dying for the party lifestyle like my reputation suggests. I haven’t chased after pussy or even acknowledged them when they attempt to climb all over me. I just don’t feel the need anymore. There’s no longer a void that needs filling.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself. Clearly, Bobby has noticed.
“So,” I hear Bobby say, and I realize he’s sitting on the opposite couch watching ESPN. Why isn’t he doing that at his own place? “Ready to talk about it yet?”
Ahh, fuck.
I send a scowl his way as I sit up on the couch. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He nods toward a cold beer on the coffee table, and I reach forward and take a sip. My stomach clenches with the idea of more alcohol, and I place it back down with a cringe. “Quit pussy footing around,” Bobby demands. “How was the wedding?”
“Good,” I grunt, not offering much more than that. He gives me a pointed stare, and I let out a resigned sigh. “Fine,” I say, telling him what he really wants to know. “Cass and I talked and sorted some shit out.”
“And?” he prompts.
“And? I don’t know. She still wants to be with me, but I’m not sure I can trust her not to up and leave again,” I tell him. “I just can’t go through that again. Why do you think I’ve avoided this shit with chicks all these years?”
“Honestly, dude, I think you’ve avoided it because you’ve been holding onto hope that Cass would come home. Or at the very least, have been waiting for someone who could even resemble the kind of person she is,” he says. “Even though you never would have discovered anyone like that because you don’t give any of them the time of day.”
“Seriously?” I mutter, giving him a blank stare. “The kind of chicks I’ve been with are not really the type of women who are interested in a relationship. They’re after the bragging rights, which I was more than happy to give to them.”
“And what about now?” he asks.
“Now?” I repeat with a sigh. “Now, the thought of being with another woman makes me feel sick. Like I’m betraying Cass in some way. It’s ridiculous because we’re not even together.”
“It’s not ridiculous,” Bobby says, channeling his inner Dr. Phil. “You’re in love with her, and you know as well as I do that if you were to be with someone else it would hurt her. It only makes sense for you to want to protect her from that.”
“Yeah, I guess. But it doesn’t change the fact that she’s the only one I want in my bed. I just have to make sure I can trust her now.”
“Holy shit, Jaxon Payne has seen the light,” Bobby sighs dramatically as he raises his hands to the heavens. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Shut up, man,” I say, grabbing the cushion off the couch and launching it at him.
He catches it with lightning-fast reflexes, which is one of the reasons he makes such a great hockey player. “Are you planning on going over there to talk with her?” he asks. “Because if you are, I may as well head over, too. I’m fucking starving.”
I think it over for a moment before shaking my head. “Nah, man. She probably isn’t back from her place yet. She most likely stayed to help clean up a bit, and knowing her, she probably needs a bit of space to sort through everything that happened last night.”
“Yeah, okay. I better go and scrounge up my own dinner then,” Bobby grumbles.
With a lift of my chin, Bobby strides out the door, and I take a page out of his book. Getting up, I find myself something to eat before settling back onto the couch and watching the game, which is exactly where I stay until I fall asleep again.
I wake on Monday morning and just know that it’s going to be a good week. All the pieces of my scrambled life are finally falling back into place. There are only a few odd ends left to fit back together.
