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As you know, Jem went on, she has been in the Silent City since shortly after you departed.
“She is safer there,” James said. And then, with a rancor he hadn’t planned, he added, “And the world is safer with her there. Under careful observation.”
Both those things are true, said Jem. After a brief silence, he said, Is there a reason you haven’t told your parents what Grace did to you?
“How do you know I haven’t?” James said. Jem regarded him silently. “Never mind,” James said. “Silent Brother powers, I gather.”
And a general knowledge of human behavior, said Jem. If Will had known what Grace did to you before he left London, his letter would have sounded quite different. And I rather suspect you have not told him since.
“Why do you suspect that?”
I know you well, James, said his uncle. I know you do not like to be pitied. And you imagine that is what would happen if you spoke the truth about what Grace—and her mother—did to you.
“Because it’s true,” James said. “It’s exactly what would happen.” He stared out at the ocean; in the far distance, sparks against the darkness, were the lights of distant boats. He could not imagine how lonely it must be, out there in the darkness and cold, alone on the waves in a tiny craft. “But I suppose I’m not to have much choice. Especially if Grace is to stand trial.”
Actually, said Jem, the Silent Brothers have decided that Grace’s power should remain a secret, for now. We do not yet wish Tatiana Blackthorn to know that her daughter is no longer allied with her, nor do we wish her to be aware of what we know. Not until she can be questioned with the Mortal Sword.
“How convenient for Grace,” James said, and was surprised at the bitterness in his own voice.
James, Jem said. Have I asked you to conceal the truth of what Grace and Tatiana did to you? The Silent Brothers want the truth withheld from the Clave, but I understand that you may need to tell your family, to ease your mind and theirs. But I trust that if you do, you will emphasize that it should not become widely known as yet. He hesitated. It was my impression that perhaps you did not want anyone to know. That you would be relieved that it remained a secret.
James held his tongue. Because he was relieved. He could imagine the pity that would fall upon him, the desire to understand, the need to discuss it, when the truth came out. He needed time before then—time to become accustomed to the truth—before everyone knew. He needed time to accept that he’d lived a lie for years, to no purpose.
“It is strange to me,” he said, “that you are speaking with Grace. That you may be the only person in the world to really have an honest conversation with her about what—what she did.” He bit at his bottom lip; he still had trouble calling it “the enchantment,” or “the love spell”; it was more bearable to say “what she did,” or even “what she did to me,” knowing Jem would understand. “I do not think she even told her brother. He seems to know nothing of it.”
The sharp wind lifted James’s hair, flung it into his eyes. He was so cold he could feel the shivery brush of his own eyelashes against his skin, damp as they were with sea spray. “He has certainly never mentioned anything about Grace’s power to Lucie—of that I am absolutely sure.” Lucie would not have been able to help herself; she would have flung herself at James the first moment she saw him, railing against Grace, furious on his behalf.
He does not know. At least, Grace has never told him. She has never told anyone, in fact.
“No one?”
Until her confession, no one but her mother knew, Jem said. And Belial, of course. I believe she was ashamed, for whatever that’s worth.
“It’s not worth all that much,” said James, and Jem nodded as if he understood.
It is my task as a Silent Brother, said Jem, to gain greater understanding. Whatever Belial’s plan is, I do not believe he is done with us. With you. He has reached for you in many ways. Through Grace, but when he finds that door is closed, it would be better to know where he will turn next.
“I doubt Grace knows,” James said in a leaden voice. “She didn’t know about his plan with Jesse. To be fair to her, I don’t think she would have gone along with it. I think Jesse might be the only thing in the world she actually cares about.”
I agree, said Jem. And while Grace may not know Belial’s secrets, knowing hers may yet help us find gaps in his armor. He tipped his head back, letting the wind stir his dark hair. But I will not speak to you of her again, unless I must.
“As you say,” said James carefully, “there are a few who I feel I must tell. Who deserve to be told.” Jem didn’t respond, only waited. “Cordelia is in Paris. I would like to tell her first, before anyone else knows. I owe her that. She was—more affected than anyone else but myself.”
It is your story to tell, said Jem. Only—if you do tell Cordelia, or… others, I would be grateful if you would let me know you have done so. You can reach me whenever you desire.
James thought of the box of matches in his pocket, each one a sort of signal light that, when struck, summoned Jem to his side. He did not know how the magic of it worked, nor did he think Jem would tell him even if he asked.
It is not easy for me, Jem said. His expression had not changed, but his pale hands moved, knotting together. I know I must listen dispassionately to Grace’s testimony. Yet when she speaks of what was done to you, my silent heart cries out: this was wrong, it was always wrong. You love as your father loves: wholly, without conditions or hesitancy. To use that as a weapon is blasphemy.
James glanced back at Malcolm’s house, and then at his uncle. He had never seen him so agitated. “Do you want me to wake up my father?” James said. “Did you want to see him?”
No. Don’t wake him, Jem said, and even though his speech was silent, there was a gentleness in the way he thought about Will that was for Will alone. James thought of Matthew, no doubt asleep somewhere in Paris, and felt a terrible admixture of love and anger like a poison in his blood. Matthew had been to him what Will was to Jem; how had he lost him? How had he lost him without even knowing it?
I am sorry to have told you all that. It is not a burden you should have to shoulder.
“It is not a burden to know there is someone in the Silent City who listens to all this, and thinks of it not just as a peculiarity of magic, but as something that had a true cost,” said James softly. “Even if you pity Grace, even if you must be unsentimental as a judge, you will not forget me, my family. Cordelia. That means a great deal. That you will not forget.”
Jem brushed James’s hair from his forehead, a light benediction. Never, he said, and then, in between one crash of a wave and another, he was gone, melting into the shadows.
