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"Did your sister fix you up?"
"She threw us together a lot. There's nothing wrong with Jeff. He's a nice guy."
"Just not the guy for you."
"No. He would be another Dani in my life, warning me not to try anything too different, not to reach too high. It's fine coming from my sister, but I don't need someone else telling me what not to do. I need someone who pushes me outside of my comfort zone." I didn't want to say I needed someone like him, but the idea had crossed my mind.
Kade took the plate out of the microwave and put it in front of me, then slid the remaining slices onto another plate to heat up for himself.
"It sounds like you need to let him go," Kade said, folding his arms as he leaned back against the opposite counter and gave me a thoughtful look.
"I'm going to do that when this is all over." Seeing the contemplative expression on his face, I said, "What are you thinking about?"
"Just wondering what it would have been like to grow up with a twin, someone who looked exactly like me, who made me feel like I was part of a duo instead of a single."
"Dani didn't make me feel that way. It's just a fact. Twins are together before birth and forever after that. It's a bond that's impossible to describe to anyone who hasn't experienced it. It's like I can feel her in my heart, and the same goes for her." As I finished speaking, I took a bite of pizza. I was relieved that it tasted normal and drove away the metallic taste that had been lingering in my mouth since I'd been drugged.
"But you and your sister are different people," Kade said.
"Yes, and that's where it gets tricky. Because it's easier to be the same. People expected us to be the same. Dani was good in math, and the math teacher had high expectations for me that I could not meet. Same thing for music, but in reverse. Because I played an instrument, everyone thought Dani should, but she had no talent or interest in music."
"What about your dad?" he asked, as the microwave began to beep. "What was his relationship with you both?"
I thought about his question while I finished chewing. "It's not easy to answer that. When we were young, before my mom died, I thought we were all close. After my mother died, my dad withdrew from Dani and me. It started the day of my mother's funeral when he disappeared and didn't come back for two weeks. After that, he couldn't seem to tell us apart, which we both found annoying. Even now, when I call him on the phone, he gets irritated if I don't say who I am right away. I guess we do sound alike, but my mom could always tell us apart."
"Where did he go when he disappeared during the funeral?" Kade asked, his brows drawing together as he gave me a questioning look.
"He drove up to a cabin we had in Big Bear. A neighbor took us in until he came home."
"That seems odd. He should have been comforting you, not running away from you."
"That's what I always thought. When he came back, he hired a nanny to take care of Dani and me and buried himself in work. He made sure we had everything we needed, and he'd occasionally show up for an open house at school or a soccer game. But he also missed a lot, and we stopped expecting him to show up. Then he married Vicky, and it was all about her and their life."
"It doesn't sound like you were close at all."
"Dani was closer to him than I was. She usually leans into whatever he has to say. I talked to her earlier, and she was defending him for not getting back to us without even knowing why he was out of touch. She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Now that he's shown up drunk and a mess, I probably should cut him some slack, too. He was clearly shocked to find out my mother was alive."
"Your father said he talked to Laura, that she said she was sorry. I wonder when that happened. There's no video footage of him here at the house."
"That's true. Only Vicky was caught on camera. Maybe it was at the school. I thought I saw him there on Friday when I went by. But my mother was already in the hospital by then, so why would he have been at the school that day?"
"You'll have to ask him."
"When he wakes up," I agreed.
"You said your father isn't a man with a lot of rage, but when he said your mother betrayed him, the anger was burning right through him."
I met his gaze, seeing the question in his dark eyes. "He didn't shoot her, Kade."
"I hope not."
"He loved her."
"Love and hate can be two sides of the same coin."
"Even if he hates her, and maybe he has a right to hate her, I know he wouldn't hurt her. He just wouldn't. I'm sure of that."
"You know him best."
