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“I mean it. I’ll be there.”
I swallowed. “I know. I know you will be.”
* * *
Linden and I were silent as she drove us to the clubhouse. My throat hurt, my head was full of thoughts, and my heart was heavy.
I was exhausted, but I doubted I’d be able to sleep until I saw Slash again.
South Paw and Crow were still standing guard. Without a word, they opened the gates and we pulled through.
When we parked in the gravel lot, neither Linden nor I got out right away.
“This is so surreal,” I murmured. “I don’t even know how I’m feeling right now.”
“Do you want to talk? I’ll listen. And it won’t go farther than this car. My lips are sealed. Promise.”
I shot her a small smile. “Thanks. I just—yeah. We got into a fight.”
“So you said.”
“He kept some things from me. Really important things.” I swallowed. “He was married before. She died in a car accident, along with their three-year-old daughter.”
“Oh, wow,” she said quietly. “That’s horrible.”
I nodded. “It’s why he became a Nomad. He couldn’t be part of society for a while.”
“Understandable. And you fought about that?”
“We fought because of how I found out. His mother-in-law called. I thought Slash was cheating. He wasn’t, obviously. But then he finally talked about his past.” I leaned against the headrest and stared out the window toward the clubhouse. The front porch lights were on, but no one was outside.
“It was a punch to the heart, you know?” I said. “He didn’t tell me until he was backed into a corner. I thought he didn’t really love me. I thought everything was a giant lie. It made me question everything.”
“What do you think now?” she asked gently.
“I wish he’d told me sooner. I wish I hadn’t found out about his past the way I did, but I… I don’t think I can be mad at him for it.”
“No, you don’t have to be mad at him forthat. But the other stuff? The making you question everything part…”
“Yeah, that doesn’t feel so good. But right now, he’s handling a problem for me when he could have just foisted it off onto someone else.”
“It’s hard to be vulnerable. Truly vulnerable, I mean.”
I looked at Linden.
“It’s easier to hold yourself back because you might get hurt. I’d never truly let someone in until Boxer.” She smiled. “He wouldn’t really take no for an answer. That guy battered down my walls and stayed when it was hard. I think that’s what no one tells you. You don’t know what hard really is until you’re in the thick of it and you just want to give up and leave and feel anything but the pain. But like all things, with enough time, you heal, you get some distance and it’s just another memory.”
She absently rubbed her scarred fingers.
“Some memories never fade,” I said. “It’s been fifteen years, and Slash could barely talk about what happened to his wife and child.”
“It’s been fifteen years, but because of you he found a place he wants to call home,” she pointed out.
My hands slid over my belly. “Yeah.”
He’d wanted me before he’d ever found out about the baby. He’d come back into town and sought me out. I’d made a decision long before I knew about Slash’s past.
“I chose to be with him, to let him in, because his heart is just… Did he hurt me? Yes. Do I still trust him? Also, yes. I don’t want to waste any time being upset. I don’t want to waste time pushing him away while I try and think my way through this. I’m leading with my heart.”
