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“I just don’t want to feel like I’m lying to them,” I said.
“The thing about Jazz and Brielle,” she said, “is that theyknowthere are things I can’t share with them. So, they don’t ask anymore. Or if they do ask, I just say it’s club business and they immediately back off. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than outright lying to them.”
I nodded thoughtfully and gently swirled my soaking feet in the warm foot bath water. “You voted yes. For war.”
“I did.”
I glanced at her swollen belly where her hand rested protectively on top of it. “Are you scared?”
“Scared? Of what?”
“Losing Slash. Your child growing up without a father.”
“Of course, I’m scared, but how could I vote any other way? How could I look myself in the mirror and say I chose fear and hiding over attempting to make the world a better place? Will the club succeed? I don’t know. It’s the cartel. They don’t just back down. They don’t just go away. They’re ruthless in a way that people don’t understand. They make examples of their enemies… But what happened to you, what happened to Sailor—what happened to that poor girl whose name we still don’t know…there’s doing what’s right and doing what’s easy. They aren’t usually the same thing.” She tilted her chin. “Are you re-thinking being with Duke?”
“What? No! Not even a little bit. There is no me without Duke. My life would be…empty.”
“And kids?” she pressed. “What about them? Do you still want them?”
I paused for a moment and then nodded. “Yeah, I really do. Even with all this—I still want them. Does that make me terrible or selfish for wanting to bring someone into a dangerous world?”
“Does it make me terrible that I stayed with Slash even though I knew he was a biker and that his life was dangerous?”
“I guess the world is a dangerous place for all of us, and we just have to know that. I don’t want to live in fear, Brooklyn. But I don’t want to be stupid, either.”
“That’s a fine line,” she quipped. “But if you love Duke and he loves you back, and you’re willing to be with him to the end, then that means living with whatever life throws at you. Only you can decide what that means or if it’s worth it.”
“I guess I was just hoping for a few moments of peace, you know? Some sort of calm, some sort of stability.”
“You live in a biker’s world now.” She smiled. “It’s rarely calm. But damn if it isn’t exciting.”
It was a strange existence. Knowing that marrying Duke was what I wanted, but also being plagued by an immeasurable amount of anxiety at the same time. Not about our marriage or relationship, or even the kids we were going to have. It was a more generalized anxiety about the situation as a whole.
Everything was right, everything was perfect…
But I’d learned throughout my life that perfection never lasted.
Jazz and Brielle’s hushed laughter pulled me from my thoughts. I envied them. Their innocence, their naiveté. Their ability to laugh and be carefree despite the darkness in the world—darkness I’d witnessed first-hand. I looked at them and realized that what the club was about to do was for them, too. Waco would be safer for my friends because of the club.
Brooklyn was in the bathroom, and the three of us were waiting for our toenails to dry. I suddenly realized that we were in a private room in the spa and that the door was closed.
We were alone.
Unprotected.
I forced myself to take a deep breath. And another. But it didn’t help. At any moment, cartel men could storm into the room, snatch the three of us, and cart us off just like they’d done with—
My heart squeezed in my chest and my throat constricted. I struggled to get air into my lungs.
“Willa?” Jazz asked. “Willa!”
Brielle hopped out of her salon recliner and rushed to my side. “Willa, what is it?”
“Panic…attack,” I wheezed.
“Panic attack.” Brielle peered at Jazz. “I don’t know what to do. She looks like she’s gonna pass out.”
“Willa,” Jazz said in a calm tone. “What color are the walls?”
