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But he could at least leave me with some shred of dignity. The back legs of the chair screeched as I pushed back and stood up. “Please, I’d rather not—”
“Skye, I’m trying to apologize. Can you just listen to me for one moment without walking away?”
I whirled on him. Ansel may be an intimidating seven-foot-tall wall of muscle, but I was five-feet-and-eight-inches of pure fury; my broken heart only stoking the flame. A cold laugh bubbled up from my chest. “Was the sex really that bad you feel like you need to apologize?” Ansel stared at me, stunned, but I continued. Now that I started, I couldn’t stop. “The only thing I want to know is, were your feelings true? At all? Or was that all just some big performance because you felt bad for me?”
Ansel’s eyes widened. “A performance?” he hissed, disbelief filling his voice. His eyes looked wild with frustration. “Of course it wasn’t. Skye . . . I would never lie to you. Everything I told you was the truth. Every word. Every touch.” He sighed heavily. “I don’t know how else to prove to you that I care.” Ansel’s arm jerked like he wanted to reach out and touch me, but he stopped himself at the last moment.
I chewed on the inside of my cheek until I tasted the light tang of blood. “Then why not invite me to Scotland? Because you tell me it’s too unsafe to stay with you,” I imitated air quotes with my fingers, “but your sister is there. You wouldn’t be joining her if you felt it was unsafe for her. I understand having enemies in the city. But a whole ocean away?” I shook my head. “I’ve dealt with enough assholes in my life that I know bullshit when I smell it.”
He stared at me, bewildered. “Skye, I can’t ask you to leave your home. You have a life here, a career. Your family is here. Yes, it’s safer in the homeland, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its challenges. The orcs there are uncivilized, and they don’t take kindly to outsiders. What kind of man would I be if I forced you into a situation like that?” He grabbed my hand, squeezing it. “I care about you, Skye. I want you to be happy. I want you to have your perfect life. And because I can't give that to you, I have to let you go. As much as it kills me.”
I jerked my hand away. I glared at him, trying to keep my trembling voice even. “This is the perfect example of why you are such a bad leader. You assume you know what’s best for everyone without taking anyone’s thoughts into consideration. You make decisions for everyone else. You are soignorant,” I hissed out the word like it was the worst insult I could think of, “you can’t even see what’s right in front of you. Yes, up until recently, I thought I needed all those things to be happy. And you know what? I almost had all those things with Carter, and I was fucking miserable. Maybe if you had asked me, or even considered what I may have wanted, I could have told you that. I don’t want any of those things, Ansel. I just want you.” I took a step backwards, my vision going blurry with tears. “You are my perfect life. You’re just too stubborn to see that.”
I turned on my heels and headed straight for the stairs, not bothering to hear his reply. Tears streamed down my face as I rushed upstairs, leaving Ansel alone with his thoughts.
Chapter twenty-eight
Myanxietywasatan all-time high the next morning. While everyone was going about their day, reviewing plans one last time and double checking their weapons like this was what they did every Wednesday, I was trying to hold off my impending panic attack.
It didn’t help that I hadn’t told Ansel that I would be assisting in the mission yet. And after a long night of tossing and turning in the bed while Ansel slept on the hard floor, I really didn’t feel like bringing it up yet.
I focused on controlling my breathing while I ran through another drill on the laptop, but it did nothing for my nerves.
Demie nudged my arm as I typed on the laptop. “What?” I whispered to him. Though I knew exactly what he needed. It was time to show him how to hack into the cameras.
Demie leaned into close enough so Liam and Ansel wouldn’t overhear him.“What’s going on with you and Ansel? He’s acting grumpier than Liam.”
I didn’t stop typing on the laptop as I glanced over the screen at Ansel. He had done such a good job of avoiding me this morning—already back to his old pattern of slipping out of the room before the crack of dawn—I hadn’t really looked at him until now. Demie was right, Ansel looked miserable. “He’s probably just thinking about the mission,” I replied, glancing down at the screen before Ansel caught me staring.
Out of the corner of my eye, Demie’s gaze narrowed. He straightened in his seat and raised his voice to an unreasonably loud level. “So, you haven’t told Ansel your plan yet?”
Ansel jerked his head towards us, his scowl deepening. “What plan?”
“I hate you,”I grumbled at Demie. I closed the laptop shut and took a deep breath, meeting Ansel’s fierce gaze. His hard features softened slightly once our eyes met. “I can’t show Demie how to hack into the security system.”
“Wait, what? Why? I thought everything was working last night. What happened—” He cut himself off, his words trailing. He studied my face, realization dawning. He straightened, glaring down at me over the broad bridge of his nose. “You can’t . . . or you won’t?”
He was giving me the full orc mafia boss intimidation stare down. It may work on others, but not me. “I won’t,” I confirmed.
“Why?”
“Because I’m a part of this team just as much as any of you. You said so yourself, Ansel. I don’t want this to be a suicide mission. If I can help stack the odds in your favor in any way, I will. I can’t fight like the rest of you, but I can stay in the van and hack into the system. I can even be your getaway driver. I’ll do anything if it means Demie can join you in the fight.”
“No,” Ansel said immediately. He crossed his arms over his chest and held my gaze. “If you’re not going to teach Demie, then we’ll figure it out ourselves. This isn’t your battle, Skye. I’m not risking your life.”
“But I’ll be in the van! Give me a gun if you need to!” Anger and sadness bubbled up in my chest.
“She’s got a point.” Everyone turned their heads towards Liam; shock filling the air. Liam was agreeing . . . with me? “We should let her help. She’ll be safer in the van and can drive off if anything goes wrong.”
Ansel gaped at Liam. “Absolutely not. I am not even entertaining this idea. If no one wants to follow my orders, then I am happy to go in there alone. Actually, I would prefer it. I will have no more family die because of me.”
My heart sunk deep into my stomach. “Ansel . . .” I said softly. I was so upset with him, yet at the same time wanted to pull him into my arms and never let go. Why did he insist on pushing everyone that loved him away?
“Hey, um, boss?” Demie piped up next to me, holding his phone in his lap as he watched a video. Demie stood from his seat and walked over to Ansel, handing him the phone. “You need to watch this.”
I quickly followed Demie, crowding behind everyone to catch a glimpse of the news report on the screen. Ansel turned it up to full volume. “Police received a tip early this morning about a possible shipment of the street drug known as black rock,” the news anchor in the video started. “They responded to the scene and were immediately fired upon by an orc gang. The police believe this gang is affiliated with the criminal organization known as the orc mafia. Authorities also believe the syndicate is solely responsible for smuggling the illegal drug into this city, but an investigation is ongoing. All suspects have been reported dead on the scene. So far, only one body has been identified—that of Gregor Walsh, the notorious head of operations for the orc mafia in Baltimore—”
The anchor’s words turned to static after that. I couldn’t believe it.Gregor was dead.I turned my attention to Ansel, who was still watching the screen, his face painfully stoic.
