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I nod. “It does help. How many siblings do you have?”
“Two younger sisters, they’re twins.”
I smile, thinking of the other half of me. I’ve had three missed calls from him since yesterday and need to get back to him before he shows up here. “I’m a twin.”
“No way. Do you get along with her? My sisters are always at each other’s throats. I bet it’s gotten worse now that I’ve left home.”
I take a sip of iced tea and bite on another cube before replying. “We’re very close.” Because we had to survive so much trauma together, I don’t say. “Except we’re fraternal twins, and he’s a boy.”
“I see. Do you guys look alike at all?”
“We do, actually. Freakishly so.”
“No way. Show me.”
My heart skips a beat. Pretending to be normal is getting harder and harder by the minute. I don’t have any pictures of Jake and me because I currently own a new phone given to me by the FBI after being kidnapped. I don’t have any photos on it, and I haven’t downloaded any social apps.
“It’s a new phone, I got nothing on it.” That’s not a lie.
He nods and grabs his own glass. He drinks, and I watch his tongue lick a drop at the corner of his mouth. He’s kinda hot in that innocent way he’s not even aware of. And having talked about ourselves sparked a somewhat soft spot for him.
I’m not surprised. It doesn’t take me long to be attracted to someone. I like attention, and I like someone taking an interest in me. The desirability doesn’t usually last long, however. It disappears as soon as I’m given what I want.
I never fight temptation, no matter how small it is. If I feel an attraction, I go for it, feeding a never-ending lust in me.
After all, Rachel, Lik, and Sam didn’t fight their attraction to each other when they decided to all have fun without me. The pain is still too fresh for me to get over my need to hurt them back.
Just like that, I know how to get back at the trio who thought they could play me.
“Do you want to have sex?” I ask him. I don’t even know if I really want it, but I can’t get myself to accept that I’m acting out of pure jealousy.
His eyes grow twice their size. He shakes his head, desperately trying to stop the smile that’s spreading on his lips.
“Th-that’s not why I came here. I’m sorry if I came off too forward. I mean…of course, you’re super-hot and cool and…yeah, I’m attracted to you, but I-I don’t want you to think that’s all I’m interested in. I wanted to get to know you, that’s it. I’m sorry, it was so obvious I was hitting on you…wasn’t it?”
It’s never been less obvious that someone was hitting on me. I’ve been to parties where men asked nothing except the closest location where they could fuck me. And I showed them.
I’ve had women becoming friends with me for months before admitting they wanted to fuck me all along. I’ve had men writing letters, pouring their hearts out, and declaring their love when they had only spoken to me twice. I’ve had possessive friends, too possessive for it to be only friendship.
And I always give in. Selfish lovers, undying love, jealous relationships, eternal lust. I’ve slept with more people than I can count. And I’m young. Young and so profoundly broken. I find salvation in warm bodies and dirty sex. People used to say my name like a trophy, to wear their ‘I’ve slept with Rose’ badge like proud members of an elite society.
How laughable. I give myself to anyone who wants it.
Just to feelneeded.
Rose White talked to me today.
Rose White locked herself in a room with me.
Rose White fucked me.
Rose White, Rose White, Rose White.
The beautiful girl, full of broken dreams and hopes for a better life.
The flawless flower that cuts you so deep you’ll forever wear her scar.
Pretty girl wants nothing but to stop swimming against the current. Pretty girl wants to see what happens when you drift away, let yourself drown, and stay at the bottom. Until the oxygen has run out, until your lungs are burning, and your heart is fighting for life. Holding onto it because it knows there will be better days.
