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And that was a big deal in my world.
“She didn’t tell me she’s pregnant,” I said. “But a few days ago, she did start saying things out of the blue like asking me if I wanted to have kids, and whether I was going to settle down at some point.”
“What did you say?”
“I mean at the time I thought she was just trying to figure out where I stood. Like whether we were going to make our relationship something official or whether she was going to keep it at the fun level that we’ve been doing. I was honest with my answers, but I didn’t really say that having a kid right now was ideal,” I replied.
“You think she was maybe trying to figure out where you stood on having a kid before she told you she’s pregnant?” Kenton asked.
“Now I fucking do!” I shot back. “It would make sense that she would want to find out how I felt about having kids before she told me she was having mine. But I feel like a royal jackass now with what I said. I hope she doesn’t feel like she’s alone or anything.”
“You have to talk to her,” Kenton replied. “You can’t just ignore this.”
“I don’t want to bring it up. This isn’t a conversation I want to have. I already feel responsible for her being late to work so much, I don’t want to throw having a baby into the mix!” I said.
“You realize this isn’t the kind of problem you can ignore to death, right?” he asked.
“I know, but I don’t want to bring it up right now. What if she is?” I replied.
“Then she’s going to want to know that you care,” he said. “You said you already feel like a jackass, so why not make sure you’re not a jackass with this and find out what’s going on. As soon as you know you can start to make the decisions that will help fix this.”
“I don’t know if there’s a way to fix anything,” I said. “If she’s pregnant, we’re having a kid, and then what?”
“I guess you’ll have to figure it out from there,” he replied. “But don’t panic, there are tons of people out there who have kids. I would say most adults have kids, in fact.”
I sighed. I knew he was right about that, but I also wasn’t sure how he could be so calm over the whole thing, either. I could very well be a father, and he didn’t seem to even consider how that would impact my life.
But, I knew that was also a selfish way to view things. I didn’t want Laurel to feel like our lives were over if we were going to be parents, and I didn’t want her to think I would be angry with her, either. I could never be angry with her over something like that, and I wouldn’t leave her to take care of things alone, either.
I wanted to be a father someday, and even if it came a lot sooner than I planned, I knew I would be okay. And I would make sure she was okay, too.
But, I still didn’t want to have the conversation with her. Not yet.
“I’ll get back to you,” I said. “I need time to think.”
“I know you’ll do the right thing,” he told me. “I’m pulling for you guys, you know that, right?”
“Thanks,” I said.
I hung up the phone and blew out some air. I decided to go for a walk and think about this. I had to figure out what the next step would be. I wasn’t sure even where to start with this, but the facts were the facts, and if she was pregnant, then there would be no changing that.
My mind was spinning with emotions, but I knew I had to focus.
I would figure this out.
But first, I had to have a straight answer. I had to know whether she was pregnant.
I had to talk to Laurel.
THIRTY-TWO
Laurel
My phone rangabout an hour after I got to work, and I cringed when I saw it was Leroy calling me. I didn’t want to talk to him. I had a feeling I already knew what he was going to say, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it.
In fact, I knew I didn’t want to hear it.
He hadn’t called me for the past couple days, and I knew that was because he had told me to stay busy working on the new hotel. Which, of course, I had been doing. But leave it to me to be late today and have him call me soon after I started working for the day.
