AllFreeNovel
Share Us
After saying goodbye to the boys, I make my way to Coach Larsden’s office, and gently rap on the door before pushing my way through and taking a seat. “Thanks for joining me, Tank,” Coach says, fondly.
“No problem. What can I do for you?” I ask, getting straight into it as I’m anxious to get home to Sophie.
“Look, I won’t keep you long, but I need to know how things are going at home?” he asks with a cringe, knowing I hate talking about myself.
I let out a sigh, hating that I’m repeating this conversation for the second time today. “Not great, Coach. It’s hard, but we’re slowly getting there.”
“I understand,” he says. “You’re not going to like this, but legally I have to remind you of your options to utilize our team counselor and therapist. I know it’s not your thing, but they can do wonders for teaching people how to best recognize and deal with their grief.” I give Coach a hard stare and he holds his hands up in surrender. “Hey, I had no choice in the matter.”
“Thank you, but I’m going to have to respectfully decline,” I tell him. “But if I’m being honest, being out on the ice with the boys seems to have helped a lot.”
“Good, I’m glad,” he says. “How’s that woman of yours doing?”
I let out a pained sigh. “She’s not coping with it, and I’m running out of ideas on how to help her. She’s blaming herself for what those bastards did to her, and I can’t pull her out of it. She won’t even talk to me,” I tell him. “Maybe I could use the counselor for her?”
“It’s not a bad idea,” Coach says. “I hate that she isn’t the bright, beaming woman I’m so used to seeing around here.”
“You and me both, Coach.”
“Look, you know my door is always open if you need anything,” he reminds me.
I give a curt nod before forcing a smile across my face. “Thanks,” I say before getting up out of my chair.
“Tank,” he calls after me. I turn to face him and notice the cringe sitting squarely across his face. “I hate to say it, but you must know that if there is any decline in your skating or off-ice duties, you’ll have to do mandatory grief counseling.”
I nod my head in understanding. “It won’t come to that,” I say with confidence.
“Excellent,” he smiles, clearly happy to have this conversation over and done with. “Now get home to your woman.”
“Will do.”
Chapter 12
SOPHIE
It’s Tank’s first game of the season, and I feel like an absolute bitch. I’ve been up and walking around for at least a week now. It’s hard, but it’s manageable. Going to his game would have been challenging, but I would have had Dani there to help me. So when he asked if I was feeling up to it, I gave him the same response I’ve been giving him since the attack.
I declined.
Not once in the time that I’ve been with him have I missed a game, except for maybe once in college when I was still denying that there was anything between us. I feel terrible, but at the same time, how can I allow myself to go out and enjoy my life when I’ve killed my child?
It’s not fair to him, and it’s certainly not fair to Tank.
I should be miserable.
He should hate me.
Things between us have certainly been rough, and quite frankly, I don’t know what he’s still doing here. Why hasn’t he left yet? He tells me every day that he loves me, and I believe him. I just don’t understand how he could.
He deserves so much better than that. He deserves a woman who’s going to treat him like the king that he is, the way I used to. I so desperately want to be that woman for him, to have the old me back, but how could I? After my selfish actions took our son away and almost took my own life?
I see the tortured look in his eyes every time he sees me. He will stare into my eyes with love, which gives me hope that maybe he can forgive me, but then his eyes travel down my body, and that love turns to rage. The second he’s reminded that I bear no child in my womb, there’s nothing but pure heartache on his face.
How could a man be happy in a relationship when every time he looks at his wife, he’s reminded of what was taken from him?
God, I’m so desperately in love with him that this whole situation tears me up inside. Why didn’t I just leave the Baxter case alone? The fucker has gotten away with it, so it was all for nothing anyway.
I’ve ruined our lives for nothing.
My gaze travels down to the rings on my finger, and my heart begins to ache. The thought of leaving has circled my mind over the past couple of weeks, purely for the fact that Tank deserves better. The idea of leaving him destroys me, but I need to do it. I need to get away, and I need to give him space to move forward.
