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CHAPTERONE
The feeling of firm lips against mine brought out a soft moan from my mouth. My arms wrapped around a warm, sweaty neck. I opened my lips slightly, allowing a tongue to unfurl in my mouth. Something small, round, and hard passed across my lips, and I took it gladly, smiling against the lips that were still pressed against my own.
This kiss wasn’t about passion. It was about access.
Pulling away, I allowed the pill to slide down my throat. The air around me was filled with smoke, writhing bodies, and the deep vibrations of the bass from the DJ stand, and I smiled as I thought about how amazing all of this would soon feel.
Hands enveloped themselves around my waist and pressed me close.
“It should hit soon.” Caleb’s smooth, deep voice felt like velvet across my hot skin.
My hips swayed against his as the music washed over me. I didn’t say anything. Words were meaningless at this point. We could say whatever we needed to with our bodies. Soon, the drugs he’d slipped me, I assumed it was ecstasy, but I hadn’t asked, would take effect, and I might not be capable of responding anyway.
The idea was blissful.
“Do you feel good, baby?” he asked. His breath played against the skin of my neck, making me shiver.
I nodded. I did feel good, which was why I was here. Originally, I had planned to stay home. My older brother was home from Mexico, where he’d been visiting our grandparents, and my mother had planned an intense dinner for the family.
The idea of sitting at the table, pretending we were a perfectly happy family, made me sick.
“I feel amazing.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the truth either.
The alcohol I’d consumed was muting my thoughts but thinking about my fucked-up family caused a thump of pain to bloom in my chest.
Ever since my twin sister passed away five years ago, my mother and I could barely be in one another’s presence. She blamed me for being the healthy twin, unravaged by disease, and not grateful for the life I’d been gifted.
She never said those words aloud, but I knew she wished it had been me who fell to cancer, not my twin sister, Carina. Carina had been perfect, and her death preserved that perfection in my mother’s eyes.
It was hard to hate someone who was dead, so I turned that towards my mother. After all, she deserved it.
Caleb’s hands tangled in my hair, and I tried to focus on the feeling of his body against mine, but I couldn’t.
My brain kept flashing back to what happened this evening.
Tonight, I snapped when my mother fawned over Angel, and I decided that a night raving in one of L.A.’s hottest new spots was far better than watching her look at me with grief-filled eyes.
These days I spent most of my time rolling on enough drugs to forget my reality, which didn’t help the strained relationship I already had with my family.
Not that I cared. Caleb and chasing oblivion were the only things I cared about.
Caleb saved me from a humdrum existence by opening my mind to what was out there in the world.I owed him.
“You’re so hot.”
His fingers ran up my bare arms, pulling me out of my thoughts. My nerve endings were starting to fire up, and Caleb’s fingers felt like spiders crawling over my skin. I jerked myself away before I could think about it, stumbling slightly.
“Car?” Caleb reached for me, but I held up a hand.
Normally, I craved Caleb’s touch, especially when I was rolling, but tonight, something felt off.
“I think the E is kicking in,” I explained. My breathing escalated, and the smoke was no longer enjoyable. Instead, I felt like it was choking me. Caleb’s eyes were wide with concern. I held up my hand, not wanting him to worry.
“Give me a minute.” Sometimes, when I got in my head, my high took a serious low. “I need to get some water.”
“I’ll come with you.” Caleb moved to follow me. That was what I liked most about Caleb—he always wanted to be at my side.
He was the only person who wanted to be, and normally, I craved the companionship.
