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She pushes against my chest, and I take a step away, releasing her. I run a hand through my hair, unsure what to do or say. I’ve been in her situation before, and I get it. I get that she doesn’t want to talk, that she closed herself off to the world as it came crashing down on her, butfuck. It fucking hurts. It hurts that I wasn’t the person she reached out to, the one she let in, the one that held her together when her heart was breaking.
I turn away from her and stare up at the ceiling for a moment, taking a deep breath in an effort to calm my racing heart. “Sleep here tonight,” I tell her, my voice betraying the defeat I feel. “You can have my bed. I’ll take your spot in the sleeping hall.”
“No, Silas. You said you’d never spend another night there. I won’t be the reason you break that promise to yourself.”
I turn back to face her and sigh. “Alanna,” I whisper. “Take the bed. You aren’t putting yourself in a dangerous situation on my watch, you hear me? You aren’t walking back into that hall tonight.”
She looks up at me, her expression disarmed. “Neither are you.” Alanna looks past me, her gaze lingering on my bed. “There’s enough room for us both.”
My eyes widen, and my first instinct is to argue with her, but this is a battle I know I can’t win. She won’t stay here if I don’t. Her pride won’t allow her to. “Fine.”
Her shoulders sag in relief, and her eyes fall closed for a moment. I watch her every movement, still in disbelief that she’s standing here with me tonight.
“There’s a small bathroom through that door. It isn’t much, but it’s private. I’ve got a spare towel for you.”
She nods and smiles at me, her expression showcasing her exhaustion. “Thank you, Silas.” Her voice trembles, a hint of shame in it that goes straight to my heart. Everything about tonight kills me. I get that I’m the last person she wants to show this side of her to, but I really wish she would. I wish she’d rely on me.
“Go on,” I murmur, handing her a towel. I place my palm on her lower back and push her toward my tiny bathroom. She glances back at me once before disappearing through the door, and I sink down on my bed, my thoughts reeling.
This is the very last thing I expected. What is she doing here? What the fuck happened for her to end up here? Though I try my hardest, I can’t escape the way my heart aches at the thought of her finding herself all alone, with nowhere to go but this shelter. I vividly remember the day I first walked into this building, and it isn’t an experience I’d wish on anyone. I’d give the world to ensure it never happened to her.
I straighten when Alanna walks out wearing leggings and a loose t-shirt, her cheeks rosy. She pauses halfway and looks up at me, her insecurity shining through. “Let’s go to bed,” I murmur, knowing she won’t want to talk. It must be awkward enough for her as it is. I won’t make it worse, even though I desperately need answers.
I fold my bed covers over and tip my head toward the bed. My bed is pressed against the wall, and though it’s a queen-size, I barely fit in it by myself. It’ll be a squeeze with both of us in here.
Alanna hesitates for a moment before walking toward me, both of us tensing when she crawls into bed. I rise to my feet and turn the light off before joining her in bed, trying my hardest to keep some distance from her.
I listen to the sound of her breathing, my heart shattering as it becomes more ragged, a soft sniff disturbing the silence that surrounds us.
She turns toward me, and I open my arms for her. Alanna bursts into tears, and I hold her as tightly as I can, her face buried in my neck. “Silas,” she cries, her entire body rocking from the force of her sobs.
I rub her back soothingly, my own heart breaking alongside hers. “Per aspera ad astra, remember?” I whisper. “Through adversity to the stars.I know everything feels hopeless, and I know you’re hurting, my love. I know. Just remember that this type of hardship will pass. It might not feel that way, but it will. Your path still leads straight to the stars. You’re just taking a detour, that’s all. Everything is going to be okay.”
She nods and tightens her grip on me, hugging me with all her strength. “It just hurts so much.”
“I know,” I whisper, wishing I could take her pain away and make it my own instead. “I know, baby.”
I hold her until her sobs die down and her breathing steadies, my arms wrapped tightly around her as she cries herself to sleep. I wish I could take away her sorrow and give her back her smile. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know it’s filled with adversity before she and I reach the stars.
ChapterSeventeen
Alanna
I blink slowly and snuggle closer before freezing suddenly, memories of last night coming to mind. I tense in Silas’s embrace when I become aware of his naked chest underneath my cheek, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I push away from him, and he startles awake.
“Ray,” he says, his voice low and sexy. This is how he always sounded on the phone, right before he fell asleep.
Silas sits up, facing me, a lazy smile on his face. I’ve missed him more than I dare to admit. It broke my heart each time I declined one of his calls, and I know I’ve hurt him too.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
Silas reaches for me and cups my cheek, his touch gentle. “Don’t be sorry, Ray. I’m just glad that you’re okay, that you’re safe.”
He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, drawing my attention to his chest and abs. I remember he was wearing a t-shirt when we went to bed… did I do something to him in my sleep?
Silas catches me staring and grins. “Sorry, Ray. I’m not used to wearing clothes to bed, so I must have taken my t-shirt off in my sleep. The less I wear to bed, the less washing I need to do, you know?”
I nod. “Right.” I suppose those are the kind of lessons I’ll learn the hard way too. “I’m sorry, Si. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable in your own bed. I—”
