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She nods and walks away with a smirk on her face, seemingly not at all offended. It’s clear she doesn’t remotely consider me competition, and for some reason, that just fuels my turmoil.
“Alanna,” Silas repeats the moment the door closes behind Raven. He pulls me toward him roughly, and I stumble, ending up in his arms. Before I have a chance to step back, he wraps his arms around me, caging me in.
“Look at me.” His tone is harsh, yet there’s a hint of the same need I feel. I reluctantly obey, my eyes finding his. “I broke up with her weeks ago. It was never serious in the first place. She and I have been dating on and off for ages, both of us well aware that our relationship was going nowhere. It was just convenient. That’s all it is. She has no feelings for me, and I definitely don’t feel a thing for her.”
I grit my teeth, unable to restrain my anger. “You asked me if I’d broken up with Ryan and watched me text him. I-I…” I hesitate, unsure what I’m even trying to say. In the end, the right words elude me, and I push against his chest.
Silas lets go of me, but his gaze follows my every move. “Forget it,” I tell him. “It’s none of my business what you do or who you do it with. I just hate the thought of playing a role in your adultery. If you two were truly over, she wouldn’t have been here today.”
Silas leans back against his desk, his hands on either side of him. “None of your business, huh? Yeah, I guess it isn’t. So you won’t mind if I take Raven home and fuck her the way I fucked you? You won’t mind hearing her moans in your bedroom?”
His words are like daggers that assault my already battered heart, and I take a step back. I inhale shakily and force a smile onto my face. “Of course I won’t mind, Silas. It would be somewhat awkward, though, so please let me know when you have a woman over, and I’ll be sure to leave the apartment. As it is, I don’t expect to be there for much longer. I’d hate to invade your privacy that way.”
He looks at me and shakes his head. “Little liar,” he whispers. “The only one you’re fooling is yourself.”
I bite down on my lip and turn away, rushing toward the door. I need to get away from him. What was I even thinking, storming in here the way I did? Why is it I never act rationally around him? I’m disappointed by my own behavior, yet I can’t control the way he makes me act.
“Alanna,” he says, and I pause with my hand on the door handle. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever taken to bed in my home. I’ve never taken a woman I was seeing to the home you and I live in.”
I glance back at him, surprised. If that’s true, why did he takemehome? With each interaction, Silas leaves me more and more confused.
ChapterForty-Three
Silas
I stare at Alanna’s bedroom door and sigh. She’s been avoiding me since Raven visited my office a few days ago, and I’m not sure what to do. It’s clear that she’s confused by her feelings for me, and I don’t want to push her too hard, because I’m scared she’ll run.
Just as I’m about to walk away, a soft sound stops me in my tracks. Is she crying? I hesitate for a split second before pushing her door open. Her room is pitch dark, and I can just about make out the shape of her in bed. She’s twisting and turning, her breathing labored. “Si,” she groans.
I freeze and stare at her in shock. I never thought I’d hear her call me Si again. I approach her cautiously, my heart pounding loudly. She’s fast asleep, but she seems to be dreaming… ofme.
“Please, Si,” she begs, her tone desperate. “Please.” A tear rolls down her cheek as she whispers my name again.
I lift the covers and slide into bed with her, turning onto my side so I’m facing her. “I’m right here, baby,” I whisper. “I’m with you.”
Her body relaxes, but her expression remains tense. I lean in and brush the tip of my finger over her scrunched up brows, and slowly but surely, the tension in her body drains away. Alanna sighs and turns toward me, draping her leg over me. “Si,” she whispers, a hint of relief in her voice. Is she dreaming of me? She’s given me no indication that she remembers me at all, but she’s clearly calling for me.
I wrap my arms around her as she snuggles closer, until she’s got her head on my chest, the two of us lying together the way we used to. She still fits against me perfectly.
“I’ve missed you,” I whisper, needing to say the words. “I still love you as much as I did then. It’s always been you, Alanna.”
She snuggles closer, her nose brushing over my neck. I bite down on my lip as she moves against me, wishing I could just turn us over and kiss her the way I’ve been wanting to. Now that I’ve finally got her back in my life, it’s hard to take it slow. I want everything we’ve missed out on. I hold her just a little tighter, needing her with a desperation I haven’t felt in years. She’s the only one who’s ever made me feel this way.
Alanna tenses in my arms and I freeze. She pulls away from me, her eyes widening when she sees me. “Silas?”
I look into her eyes, noting the redness in them. “Do you often cry in your sleep?”
Her lips fall open and she looks away, clearly not wanting to answer me. I sigh as I pull her back into my arms. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” I rub her back soothingly, and she relaxes in my arms.
“At least once a week,” she admits. “Sometimes more often. I can never remember why, but every time this happens, I wake up feeling heartbroken. It feels like my dreams are showing me someone important, but the moment my eyes open, the images fade away. I just know it’s someone I love.”
“Someone you love?” I ask, my heart aching painfully. I wish I could tell her all about us and the history we share. Would she be mine once more if I tell her the truth?
I bite down on my lip as memories of her crying herself to sleep come to mind, her small frame shaking from the force of her sobs. If Alanna regains her memories, she’ll also be reminded of the pain she went through when she lost her father. I can’t put her through that. Besides, perhaps this is a blessing. It’s a chance to make her fall for me all over again, without the burdens of the past.
“I told you that I lost my memories when I was eighteen, right? I have no memory of anything before that point. I woke up in the hospital with no idea who I was or where I came from. I had a driver’s license on me that told me my name, but I could never recover my memory. In all these years, no one has come looking for me, yet I can’t help but feel like there’s someone out there.” She sighs and buries her face in my neck. “But maybe that’s just wishful thinking.”
“Maybe, but maybe it isn’t.” I hesitate for a moment and inhale deeply. “What would you do if you met someone who knew all about your past? If you were told about it, there’s a high chance you’d never recover your full memory, because there’d be a risk that your real memories would be overwritten by whatever you’re told, until you can no longer tell what’s real. Would you still want to know?”
