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Her eyes widen, and I smile at her. I know her well enough to realize what she’s thinking, but I’m not sure how to set her worries at ease.
“Marry me,” I tell her. “Marry me, and if I ever leave you, you’ll be able to take half of my assets. Would that set you at ease? Would that prove to you that I’ll never let you go?”
“Bold move,” she says, smiling. “What if I actually say yes? What will you do then? What if I’m really just after your money?”
I chuckle and lift our joined hands to my lips before pressing a soft kiss to the back of her hand. “If you say yes, you’ll make me the happiest man in the world. And you know… if you’re after my money, tell me. I’ll just give it to you.”
Her lips fall open, and she shakes her head as she pulls her hand back. “You really are crazy.”
“Maybe,” I whisper. “Or maybe I really am serious about you, and you’re worth more than money.”
She stares at me as though she’s trying to figure me out and shakes her head. “Definitely crazy.”
I watch her as she sits down at the table. “I’m not giving up,” I promise her. “Truthfully, only time can prove whether or not I’m lying to you, but that’s okay with me. I’d rather spend a year with you doubting my intentions toward you and having a chance to prove myself, than a year without you. Take all the time you need, Alanna. I know he hurt you, but I never will.”
She nods, her gaze solemn. She may not have said it explicitly, but she’s giving me a chance.
ChapterFifty
Alanna
I walk out of the office and inhale deeply, my face tipped up toward the cloudy sky. My mind has been a mess lately. Now, more than ever, I wish I knew more about who I am, and what I left behind. I feel incomplete, and the few memories I did create all turned out to be fake, orchestrated by someone wanting to improve his image.
I so badly want to believe that Silas means what he says, and that he truly wants to be with me, but how can I? How do I believe him when the only other person that supposedly loved me used and deceived me? It’s one thing for Silas to flirt with me and to want my body. That’s something I understand and it’s something I can believe. Him genuinely having feelings for me? That I cannot believe. I don’t want to make the same mistake I made with Ryan. It’d be so much worse with Silas, and not just because of who he is. I don’t think I could survive Silas breaking my heart.
“Alanna!”
I tense and inhale deeply as I turn to face Ryan. He’s the last person I want to see right now. “What are you doing here?”
He grins as he holds up an umbrella. “I saw you leaving and wanted to give you an umbrella in case it rains. Or better yet, will you let me drive you home?”
I freeze instinctively. Ryan has no idea that I live with Silas, and he can’t find out. It isn’t just because I’m worried about hurting him, or because I can’t face the shame my actions have filled me with. It’s also because I don’t trust him to keep it to himself. Ryan has always been competitive. If he finds out that I live with Silas, he’ll only pursue me harder, purely because he won’t want Silas to have me. He said it himself, after all.
“You can walk me to the bus stop,” I tell him, knowing he won’t give up unless I give in. I used to find it charming, but everything I used to love about him is now tainted with suspicion and disgust. It isn’t because he’s trying to be chivalrous, it’s because he wants to get his way.
“You said we could be friends, but you keep avoiding me,” he says as he falls into step with me.
“Yes, Ryan. I am. We both know you’re capitalizing on my preference for avoiding conflict instead of giving me the space I need.”
He nods, looking contrite, but that’s probably all an act, too. If he truly felt any remorse for his actions, he’d just leave me alone.
“I’m worried that giving you too much space will result in me losing you forever. Besides, I’m not asking you out on a date. I’m just accompanying you to the bus stop. I just want a few moments of your time. You told me you feel like you don’t even know me, and all I want is to show you who I really am. I want to show you that the time we shared was real. I might have approached you for the wrong reasons, but I stayed because I fell for you. Maybe I’m being insensitive by ignoring your need for space, but I can’t take the risk of losing you completely.”
I pause and turn to face him, a slight drizzle coating my skin as Ryan opens the umbrella and holds it over us. Does he stand to gain anything by doing this?
“Alanna, if all I’ll ever have for the rest of our lives is your friendship, then I’ll take that. I need you in my life in some shape or form. I just want to show you that I’m sorry for the way I hurt you and if you’ll let me, I want to be part of your life.”
I nod, more confused than ever. I don’t think he’s lying, and when he’s standing here in front of me, all I’m reminded of are the good memories, the times we laughed together, the way he treated me.
Ryan leans in and cups my cheek, hurt and longing filling his eyes. “Do you remember our first date? We went back to the beach we met at. It was only meant to be a stroll, but we ended up watching the sunset together with a cheap bottle of wine from the supermarket. We spent hours chatting about our goals in life. The sun set, and the air cooled, so I wrapped my arm around you to keep you warm, and you smiled at me. That’s when I fell in love with you. I didn’t even realize it at the time, but I did. I’ve been yours from that moment onwards. I told myself that it was all a game, but you and I both know that it wasn’t. Those feelings couldn’t have been faked.”
My eyes fill with tears and I look away, blinking rapidly as I continue to walk to the bus stop. That time at the beach was the first time I felt a real connection like that. Until that point, I’d been living my life trying to learn about my past, and in that moment, I decided to focus on the future instead.
“We’re here.”
He nods and takes my hand, wrapping it around the umbrella’s handle, his hand on top of mine. “Take this.”
I nod, my heart aching from the wounds he reopened.
