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“You’re being an idiot,” Alex said, sighing. “Why are you so hell-bent on not having kids?”
“Just don’t want them,” I mumbled, trudging up the stairs to my room.
“Really? That’s your answer?”
“That’s all I’ve got.”
“And you’re willing to give up Ani so you don’t have to have any?” he asked gently.
“It’s already done, brother,” I told him, stripping out of my jeans and crawling into bed.
“You’d be a really great dad, Bram. You know that, right?”
“Probably not, but that’s irreverent—irrevelant—irrelevant.”
“Jesus Christ, you’re plastered.”
“Had a few beers,” I slurred, starting to fall asleep.
“She’s not going to wait for you, man. The longer you wait, the less chance you have of getting her back.”
“Don’t want her back.”
“Bullshit,” Alex growled in frustration. “I’m not talking to you like this. Call me when you’re fucking sober.”
“All right, good talk,” I said, tossing the phone on the bed before completely passing out.
* * *
“Good morning, good morning!” Trevor called cheerfully the next day as I was climbing out of my truck. My head was pounding, even after three ibuprofen, so I shut my door carefully, wincing as Trevor slammed his.
“Hey,” I said quietly, scratching at my beard.
“Rough morning?”
“Late night.”
“Oh, yeah? Where’d you go?” Trev asked as he walked beside me to the front door of our office.
“Bar in town.”
“Oh, yeah?” he chuckled, looking at me sideways. He went in the office ahead of me and I cursed under my breath. I didn’t need Trevor putting in his two cents, too. I vaguely remembered the conversation with Alex the night before, and he’d been all up in my business, I didn’t need any more bullshit.
“I was in Portland,” I called as I stepped in behind him. “That’s why you didn’t—”
My words cut off sharply as Trev turned toward me, and I caught sight of Ani.
She looked good. She looked so goddamn beautiful.
Her short hair was pulled back in two tiny pigtails by her neck, and she was wearing a light blue shirt that clung in all the right places.
“Hey, Bram,” she said. “You look like shit.”
“You look gorgeous,” I replied without thought, my mouth snapping shut as soon as the words were out. Fuck.
“She does,” Trev said, smirking. “New haircut?”
“Shut up, Trev,” Ani replied, elbowing him in the gut.
“I’ve got shit to do,” I said, moving around them to get to my office.
“Hey, Bram?” Her voice was tentative, and I hated it. Ani was bitchy. She didn’t take anyone’s shit, and she was never fucking nervous.
“What’s up?” I asked, turning as Trevor passed me, giving me a slap on the shoulder.
“It doesn’t have to be weird,” Ani said, a little of her attitude showing as she put her hands on her hips. “You’re making it weird.”
“I’m making it weird?” Yeah, I was making it weird. I hadn’t had sex in two weeks, and even as she spoke, I was imagining how I’d bend her over the desk and pull her jeans over her ass so I could fuck her from behind. I wasn’t sure how I could ever not be weird around her when I knew I’d never fuck her again no matter how many times I imagined it.
“Yeah. You can talk to me, you know. Say hi, fuck you, where’s my paperwork from the mill, anything.”
“I don’t want kids—” I blurted, making her eyes narrow.
“Are you shitting me right now—”
“But if I did, they’d be with you,” I finished quietly, making her shoulders slump.
“That doesn’t really mean anything,” she snapped. “God, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I just wanted you to know—”
“What, Bram?” she said sharply. “You just wanted me to know that you love me? Is that what this is?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Did I love her? Probably. I’d probably loved her before we’d ever started sleeping together.
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” she hissed, dropping her hands to her sides. “I have a baby waiting to be born. Okay? I’m adopting a baby, and that’s not changing. So I will be a parent. The end.”
“Ani,” I murmured as she reached up to wipe at her face.
“Stop it,” she cried. “Just stop, okay? You made me choose, and I didn’t choose you.”
I rocked back on my heels, feeling like I’d been punched in the chest.
“Can we just be friends?” she said tiredly, shaking her head. “Can we just—I don’t know. I just want to go back to normal.”
“So sniping at each other over dinner and bitching at each other at work?” I asked, my entire body tightening as she wrapped her arms around herself.
“Yeah, Bram.”
“Fine.” I spun and walked toward my office without another word.
What had I expected, that she’d just change her mind because I loved her? I hadn’t even said it, she had.
I’d never thought about loving Ani. It had never been a conscious decision that I’d made. Somehow it had morphed into that though. I’d always cared about her, and it probably would have taken months for me to figure out if we hadn’t stopped seeing each other. But now that I didn’t have her? I knew I loved her.
