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God, I could still see the disgust on his face. Why hadn’t he seen how badly I was falling apart? And now, he acted like none of that had even happened—like it was all erased because of the things we’d gone through since that day.
The attack was so much bigger than my meltdown about the baby—I knew that. I knew that our problems were insignificant when I compared them to losing four people in one day. My worries about having a baby before I began my career seemed silly when I remembered the day of the attack, watching as, one by one, my family fell.
But that didn’t mean that I’d forgotten the way Cam had looked at me.
What would have happened if we hadn’t had to deal with something so devastating? Would he still be treating me like dirt beneath his boots? Would he still be looking at me like I was a monster? How could I live with him, knowing that at any point, he could just completely shut himself away from me?
He’d looked at me like my mom’s husband had looked at her—like she was nothing. Like I was nothing.
It was better if I got out before that could happen—before he could look at me like that again. I didn’t think I’d be able to live if, down the road, I did something to make him angry and he pulled away like that again.
I inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of Cam’s deodorant and the smell of grease that he seemed to always carry around. I loved him so much.
But hours later, as the sun started coming through the small window high on the wall, I gently pulled myself out of his arms and got dressed, packing a few items into a small bag and throwing it over my shoulder.
Then I left him.
I didn’t stop moving until I’d made my way to my parents’ house and opened the front door without knocking.
“You okay?” Pop asked me as he came down the short hallway in nothing but a pair of ratty jeans.
“I don’t want to go back,” I replied, dropping my bag to the floor. “Please. I want to stay here.”
Pop searched my face for almost a full minute before he nodded. “Your ma’s in bed. Go climb in with her and get some sleep. I’ll take care of it.”
My entire body sagged in both relief and sadness.
My relationship with Cam was over.
Chapter 21
Cameron
When I woke up, my mouth tasted like something had crawled in there and died. I smacked my lips, trying to make my mouth water a little, and reached across the bed for Trix.
The spot beside me was empty.
Fuck.
I rolled into a sitting position and clutched my head. Goddamn. Whiskey always gave me the shittiest hangovers. Unfortunately, it didn’t affect my memory, so I recalled in vivid detail the shit that went down the night before.
I was such a dumbass.
I’d wanted to wait until after all of the funeral shit to talk to Trix, but after I’d finished off a fifth of Jack and she’d come into the room, all my plans had gone to shit.
I climbed to my feet and swayed a little. I needed a shower and a cup of coffee—then I’d figure out what I was going to do about Trix.
* * *
“How you feeling?” Farrah called out jokingly from across the main room of the clubhouse as I poured myself a cup of coffee a while later. My head hurt like hell, so I just flipped her off instead of responding.
“You guys get some decent sleep last night?” she asked as she and Casper moved toward me.
The people visiting the club had mostly cleared out while I was still in bed, and things were quiet as we sat down on a couple of couches. I could hear people starting up their bikes outside, but there wasn’t anyone I wanted to say goodbye to, so I didn’t even attempt to see who was still hanging around.
“Yeah, I crashed. Trix was gone when I woke up, though—not sure if she slept.”
“Shit,” Farrah sighed. “I swear to God, history repeats itself.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, taking a small sip of my scalding coffee. Damn, that shit was good. One of the women must have made it.
“Don’t you remember when I had a panic attack in Cody’s room? God, I thought he was going to kill Slider.”
“Would have,” Casper mumbled, wrapping his arm around my mom’s shoulders. “But you were so out of it, I couldn’t put ya down.”
“That’s right,” I murmured, remembering that fucked up night when I was a kid. “I thought you were dead.”
Casper made a disgusted noise in his throat, but Farrah just laughed.
“Sorry.” I gave Casper an apologetic look.
“Has Trix had panic attacks before?” Farrah asked, settling farther into Casper’s side.
