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“You are really prepared to do that? To put the past in the past?”
Ellie grimaced. “The past is in our past – I just intend to leave it there.”
Maria swallowed softly. “Xavier must be furious with me for meddling –,”
Ellie’s eyes jerked to the older woman’s. “He has no idea we met before today,” Ellie said urgently. “And I don’t intend him to.”
“What?” Maria stood then, moving closer to Ellie. “You mean you haven’t told him what I said to you?”
“God, no,” Ellie grimaced. “Are you kidding? He’d be furious with you.”
“Deservedly so,” Maria winced.
“Perhaps. But I can see that you were only trying to protect him – I can see that you were acting like a fierce mother bear and I understand that, because I would do the same for my son.”
“So he thinks you simply walked away?”
“I did walk away,” Ellie shrugged.
“But I –,”
“Maria?” Ellie interrupted, her eyes lifting to the clock. “I’m not interested in passing around the blame for what happened. No one besides Xavier and me is responsible for what happens between us. I thought I loved him, but love should weather all storms. It didn’t. Involving yourself will only spread his anger, not alleviate it. You acted in what you presumed to be his best interests then? I’m asking you to do the same now. Just let it go. Start fresh from today.”
Maria opened her mouth to object, or perhaps to agree, but then she simply swept her eyes shut and nodded. A moment later, she reached for Ellie’s hand. “I truly wish we’d never interfered…”
Ellie sighed. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last month, it’s that you can’t change the past.” She cleared her throat, unable to say anything more to absolve the older woman’s guilt. “Excuse me.”
Ellie was a bride. The woman staring back at her from the mirror was, anyway, which surely meant that Ellie was too. Bridal gown, albeit simple, bridal hair and makeup, flowers in one hand, ring on the other.
She looked like a woman who was ready to enjoy the happiest day of her life, but her chest felt like it had been splintered in two. She wanted to scream. To break something. To throw something. She wanted to stomp her feet and cry every obscenity she knew into this beautiful, ancient church.
She wanted to stare down every single one of their guests and tell them what a mess this all was.
And then she closed her eyes and she saw Xavier and Joshua together and her heart gave a lurch and she knew this was still the right decision.
The worst of this day was over. Coming face to face with his parents had been something she’d been dreading for a long time. But it was over, now.
Ellie had meant what she’d said to Maria. She didn’t want Xavier to know the truth about his parents’ role in their relationship – or lack thereof. She alone had made the decision to keep Joshua secret – to raise him on her own.
He hadn’t lied to her.
He hadn’t cheated on anyone.
He’d fallen in love with her, and she’d let him go. She’d let what they were go, because she hadn’t really believed in what they’d shared.
All of this was on her head.
“You ready?” Nell stood at the door, her eyes quietly watchful.
Ellie nodded, forcing a smile to her face.
But Nell wasn’t convinced by it. She stepped into the small room and clicked the door softly closed. “Ellie? You don’t have to do this, you know.”
Apollo had said the same thing, but it hadn’t been true then, and it wasn’t true now. There were dozens of reasons to go through with this, or maybe there was just one – Joshua. She didn’t know anymore.
“Don’t I?” It was just a whisper.
“No. Of course you don’t.” Nell closed the distance between them and put a hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “I don’t want you to be miserable when you get married.”
