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I go to pull my hand away but he tightens his grip, shifting to lace our fingers together. The touch is doing something to me, pulling at a thread in my belly. I swallow hard and look to the table.
“We sort of just grew apart,” I say after a while. “We had a lot of fun together, but the relationship ran its course.”
“No hard feelings?”
Another smile. “No, none whatsoever. We’re still friends.”
His thumb pauses for a moment, before resuming its journey.
“What about you?”
His lips quirk in a cynical expression. “You want to know about my love life?”
“Sure, why not?”
“There is not much to tell. I’ve been involved with women, never seriously.”
“You’ve never had a girlfriend?”
He considers this, then shakes his head. “Not by the definition you’re using.”
I fight a smile. “How do you define ‘girlfriend’?”
“A woman I spend time with.”
“Is that a euphemism for sex?”
His gaze shows agreement.
I can’t help but laugh. “I see.” I sober quickly. “So you’ve never been in love?”
His shoulders tighten. “No.”
We’re both quiet and reflective. He speaks first. “There’s nothing that matters more to me than my country. I have always known my marriage would serve only to further my country’s interests. Love isn’t something I’ve ever indulged the idea of. I don’t have time for it – nor any interest in it.”
I shake my head at that. “How sad.”
“Why? You think it’s not enough that I serve my country with my dying breath?”
“I don’t know why you can’t have both.”
“Because if I married for love I could never have married you, and then the threat of the Hassan family would have continued, for one.”
It’s stupid to be offended by his meaningless comments, but I am. They’re just so blunt!
I bring the conversation back to safer ground. “So none of these women ever meant anything to you?”
“No. It was sex.”
“Jeez. If we do end up sleeping together, please remind me of your attitude to it, just in case I forget.”
“You won’t.”
I shrug, but I’m not convinced. Everything’s happened so quickly, I’m still trying to get to grips with all the changes, but I know one thing: Zahir and I are two totally different people, especially when it comes to the heart. I’ve never been in love. I mean, I loved Ryan, but in a way that was based on friendship and camaraderie rather than passion. But not having been in love personally doesn’t mean I don’t know it exists.
“My father loved my mother, so much,” I say quietly. “Did you know he was supposed to marry someone else?”
Zahir’s eyes glitter as he nods. “A woman from another powerful family.”
