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But she hadn’t lost anything. It had all been a lie. He’d made that same promise to his fiancé, and God knew who else.
“Agreeing to marry you is about all I can stomach for one night,” she said honestly.
“Fine,” he said, through gritted teeth.
As though the matter was settled. As though marrying him wasn’t a recipe for utter heartbreak and disaster.
Because she knew first-hand what kind of power Xavier Salbatore exerted over her. She’d fallen victim to it once before, and it would take all of her resolve not to do so again.
But she was older and far, far wiser now than she had been then.
She knew who he was, and what he was capable of. The stars had fallen from her eyes and she saw it all clearly.
She wouldn’t love him again. And she’d never trust him with her heart; not for a billion pounds.
Chapter 6
“I WANT TO SEE HIM.”
Ellie was still recovering from the fact she’d somehow agreed to his plan. That she’d agreed to a marriage that would be far from a cold one! A marriage that included her – all of her – in his life, as his wife; in his bed! All she could do was stand there and contrast his cold threats with the passion they’d shared the night before. With the affection that had been so easy between them four years ago.
Affection was a lie. Passion was easier to believe.
Their passion was honest and all-consuming. He was as lost to it as she.
Her expression was grim when she lifted her eyes to his.
“He’s asleep.”
“I’ll be quiet.” There was both a challenge and a plea in his eyes and it was the latter that gently began to unpick her resolve. She tried to imagine how desperate he must be to lay eyes on the boy they’d made together – a boy he hadn’t known about until twelve hours ago.
“Fine,” she said stiffly, accepting the necessity of this and yet wishing that in some way she could delay it. Indefinitely. “But only because I need to check on him anyway.”
“Which way?” He crossed his arms over his chest and the pleading look in his face was gone, leaving only ice-cold emotion.
Anger, she knew to be the root of it and it chilled her to her core.
It was a pervasive anger. Xavier felt it often. He felt angry when he reached for a fact or recollection and came up blank. He felt it when he tried to recall details of the months leading up to the accident and couldn’t. He felt it when he was practically crippled by a blinding headache, left bed bound for at least a day while it ravaged his body and left him nauseous from the pain – another hangover from that damned crash.
Discovering that he’d lost years of his son’s life was the last straw.
She stood there, hesitating, for several seconds and then finally nodded brusquely. “Here.”
She shivered as she pushed out of the kitchen, moving into the lounge area and towards the stairs. She kept her eyes trained forward and took the steps slowly – unconsciously delaying this as long as possible. At the door to Joshua’s room, she paused.
“Wait here,” she said, without meeting Xavier’s eyes. “I’ll check on him and tell you if it’s – safe – for you to come in.”
His eyes clashed with hers in fierce rejection of this directive, and in a way that made her wonder if he intended to ignore her request. But when she stepped into Joshua’s room, Xavier remained in the corridor, all dark and hard in contrast to the cream carpet and white walls of her townhouse.
And even though Xavier dominated every single one of her senses, the moment she crossed the threshold into their son’s room, Joshua had her entire focus. His breathing was heavy, thick with the effects of a chesty cold.
She crossed to him and lay the back of her hand against his forehead. His temperature was still high, and his sleep deep. She stroked fingers over his hair, and then dropped a palm to his chest.
“I love you so much, my darling. You know I’d do anything for you, don’t you?” And she leaned closer, pressing her lips to his forehead. “Even make a deal with the devil.” She swallowed, her mouth dry. “You deserve a father.”
A blade was slicing along the edges of her heart, and she endured every painful gash.
Four years ago, she and Xavier had slept together and she’d given him her heart and her hopes, and he hadn’t deserved them. And now? She was giving him so much more. But would he be a good father?
