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She sat up straight in bed, disorientation making it hard to recall where she was and why, and then it all came flooding back to her.
Josh!
She pushed the thick, duck-down duvet off her and stood, amazed at how much better she felt, and completely lost as to the time. The room was pitch black, just as it had been when she’d fallen asleep. She moved towards the door, feeling her way around the edge of the bed and working from memory, then jerked it open.
Soft light flooded in; she was still none the wiser as to the hour.
She moved towards Josh’s room, but when she looked inside, it was empty. The acceleration of her heartrate was only natural. Had he wandered off? This was a new house, he’d had no idea he was here, having fallen asleep in the car on the way over. God, he had no idea who Xavier was, and what if Xavier hadn’t even heard him wake?
She moved faster, towards Xavier’s office. It too was empty.
She paused at the top of the steps, listening for any noises and yes! She did hear something. She walked quickly down the stairs. Her handbag had been moved from where she’d discarded it near the door.
The noises became louder as she moved deeper into the house until finally, she could clearly discern Xavier’s deep, husky voice and Josh’s sweet little tone, all child-like with made-up and mispronounced words in his rush to express what he was feeling.
And then, Josh’s laugh, and a loud crashing sound that had her feet bursting into action and carrying her into the room to see what had happened. Had Josh hurt himself?
No, was the simple answer. Xavier was lying on the ground, on his side, his long, muscular legs stretched straight and crossed at the ankles, his body propped on one elbow, his pose utterly nonchalant and at ease.
And Josh was standing in front of a tower of cardboard blocks with cartoon illustrations on each side. He had obviously just batted them half-way to the ground and now he gave another swing with his chubby little hand so that the blocks fell in a heap and Josh threw his head back and laughed.
Relief at seeing him so well surged inside of Ellie, but it was quickly consumed by something else. She hovered at the entrance to the room, noting how comfortable they were together, how well-suited and her whole body clutched with a sense of … exclusion.
Yes. It rushed through her, gripping her and bending her so that she was left with no idea how to process the dark, demeaning feeling.
“Mama!” The little voice broke through the moment so she had to suppress everything she felt and plaster a smile on her face. She avoided looking at Xavier yet she felt his eyes on her. Cold, accusing, hateful.
She swallowed, crouching down to Josh’s level and spreading her arms. He walked into them, pressing his head to her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her body, stroking her back. “You’re awake?” He said, and she heard the uncertainty there – and was ashamed to admit she was gratified by it.
He’d been having fun with Xavier, but he’d missed her. He’d wanted her.
“How do you feel?” She asked, pulling away a little and pressing her hand to his forehead. His temperature appeared to have broken.
“Not good,” he said.
She frowned. “You look much better.”
“No, not good,” he said adamantly.
Xavier’s voice broke through. “He enjoyed three of those iced lollies. Perhaps he is after another one.”
And inside, she felt a hint of amusement, because undoubtedly Xavier was right, but she didn’t want to reward him by acknowledging that. “If he says he’s not well, he’s not.” She lifted Josh to her hip, and held him there, like the baby he definitely wasn’t. “You should have woken me.” She spoke calmly, not wanting to alarm Josh.
Xavier took his cue from her, but there was an obvious throb of displeasure in his voice. “I tried,” he drawled cynically. “You were dead to the world.”
Her skin prickled. He’d tried? He’d been into the room while she was sleeping? He’d looked at her? Had he touched her, while she’d slept, in an attempt to wake her? She swallowed, the idea unfairly erotic. Her blood simmered.
“You gave him three iced lollies?” She muttered instead, trying to flatten the frustration out of her voice.
“He wasn’t hungry for anything else. I offered.”
She stroked Josh’s hair. “What time is it?”
“Four.”
“Four o’clock?” Her gaze pulled to the window and yes, she could see that darkness was approaching, falling early as it did in winter. “I’ve slept the day away.”
“Is that a problem?”
