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‘I hired an investigator, some years ago,’ he said, closing down on her, the conversation growing too heavy, too frustrating for him. ‘I have learned a little more about his life after the accident, before his adoption, but nothing after.’
‘Hire a different investigator,’ she advised swiftly. ‘Theremustbe something.’
‘Believe me, I’ve tried. It’s as though he’s been erased. I do not know where he went, and for years, I lived with the guilt of having let down my father.’
‘Your father wouldn’t blame you for this,’ she assured him quickly. ‘None of it is your fault. It seems barbaric to me that any foster agency would split two brothers...’
‘Yes,’ he said after a beat. ‘It is barbaric. You’re right.’
But wasn’t she just as bad? After all, she’d split Graciano from his daughter. It was hard to look at him without feeling that monumental burden of guilt.
‘Why did you leave foster care?’
Again, she felt him closing down. ‘I had several bad placements in a row. I was fourteen by then. Life on the streets seemed more appealing.’
‘And was it?’
He contemplated that. ‘I was my own man.’
‘But surely in foster care you at least had a bed, a roof, some food...’
‘Everything has a price, Alicia. I preferred to pay mine on the streets.’
It was all so sad. She ached for the life he’d experienced, for what he’d gone through.
‘What about an estate?’ she murmured, the idea occurring to her out of nowhere. ‘Surely your parents had a home, savings, things that could have saved you from living rough.’
‘In fact, they did,’ he said quietly. ‘Unfortunately, I didn’t know about it until after I’d made enough money of my own to pay someone to look into it for me.’
She gasped with indignation. ‘But surely that should have gone to you.’
‘Probably. By the time I learned of the inheritance, which was held in trust for us jointly, I didn’t need it. I have saved it for my brother. I don’t know how he’s living, whether life has been kind to him, but if he wants it, it’s his.’
‘I’m sure you’ll find him,’ she said, her words ringing with confidence. ‘People don’t just disappear into thin air.’
‘I would simply like to know he’s happy,’ Graciano said, moving so that he could see the photo. ‘As boys, we were very close. I adored him. It’s strange that we’re not in each other’s lives now.’
She handed the photo back, feeling stung and uncertain. Nothing made sense. The words he’d just used were exactly how she felt about Graciano. She’d loved him so much ten years ago. How often had she thought of him since? Every day. Every damned day. And she’d thought that was because of Annie, but looking at him now, she was no longer convinced. It was Graciano she’d missed. Graciano she’d wanted.
The feeling that she was adrift in a churning sea only seemed to be getting worse, and she had no idea if there was an anchor or life vest to save her.
He thought she was asleep, but then she moved, pinning him with those assessing, intelligent eyes and something stirred in his gut—something long forgotten.
‘Graciano.’ She pressed a hand to his chest, then yawned, her eyes heavy. ‘Before, when we were—’
‘Having sex,’ he provided, amused that even after sleeping together again and again, she couldn’t form the words.
‘No, before that. Outside.’
He waited, watching.
She seemed to be wading through sleep and thought, concentrating hard. ‘We didn’t have protection. Is that—are you—’
He frowned, not following; Alicia’s expression showed frustration. ‘You don’t...’
‘What are you trying to ask?’ he asked, but with a soft laugh, lifting her hand and pressing it to his lips, a sinking feeling forming in the pit of his gut.
‘Children,’ she said quickly, not meeting his eyes. ‘You don’t want children?’
