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“It’s worth trying to find out.”
“Have you thought about Dwayde?” Victor changes his tactic. “If he got wind that we were even thinking about looking for her, he’d bolt.”
“He won’t get wind of it.” I glance toward the house.
“Still…Dwayde could give us something.”
“It’s not gonna happen.”
Victor eyes me critically. “What makes you so sure?”
“Because he hasn’t budged an inch.” And because I’ve been there as a kid. I’m still there. Sheltering my secrets. After all these years. Every ugly piece sealed and guarded from the people they would hurt the most.
“He did budge today,” Victor argues.
“Yeah, then he caught himself and clammed right back up.”
“Regardless, we will do this the right way. No shady deals. No Joyce. I mean it. You will not try to find her.”
“Fuck!” I pace away, splintered by that sense of powerlessness that tears at me like hot-tipped talons.
“What the hell is up with you, man?” Victor follows, giving me a once over that’s trained by thirty years of being as much brothers as friends. “This isn’t just about the case. What’s going on with you and Dee?”
“Nothing.” The lie rasps out of my throat and I work to get a grip. But Victor isn’t buying it.
“Try again.”
“I’m handling it.”
“Doesn’t look that way to me.”
“Then stop looking.”
“You were rough on her in there. Cold. Seems like all is not copacetic.”
I drag a hand through my hair, hating myself for what I’m doing to her. But if I soften one bit, I’ll weaken completely. And weakening is not an option in keeping her safe from Malcolm.
“What is it, Mick?”
“Go be with your family, Victor. They need you.”
He lays a hand on my shoulder. “You’re family too.”
What am I supposed to tell him—about O’Malley when he’s dealing with his own problems? About Malcolm? There is too much he doesn’t know, that he can’t ever know.
“It’s for me to deal with.”
“Funny how that works. You want to fix everybody else’s problems, but no one can help you with yours.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Sure. Whatever you say.”
“Look, I’m doing what’s best for Dee.” I choke on the words.
“Acting like a Class A dick is best for Dee?”
Shame layers onto guilt. “You think I want to hurt her? It’s gutting me, but keeping my distance is for her own good.”
