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He was gone.
Goddamnit.
We met for breakfast the next morning and every morning after that for a month.During that time, Chris started Friday Fun Nights, where we went to the bar and interrupted people’s conversations like he did mine.The man even instituted the Mangy Mondays, where he or I would try some crazy ass recipe and eat it for dinner.
By the next month, he was over my place, and I was over his at least two or three times a week.He incorporated lazy Sundays, where he and I would not have the rushed sex that we normally had because we were both needy and sexual beings but laid-back intercourse, where we both explored the other.Why he needed to make a day of this, I wasn’t sure but it worked for me.
It all worked for me, and it wasn’t until we were in the fourth month of the crazy days, routines of our lives where he seamlessly fit, that he made one comment that brought me back.Prior to this, I continued to go to my therapy sessions, went to book club, and hung out with Alexus.If she asked me about Chris, I simply shrugged because I didn’t want to make it a thing.It wasn’t athing, it was just friends with benefits.We could stop at any time, and we’d both be fine.It was clear and we talked about it, so there was nothing to our friendship.
Not until we were at his apartment, lying in bed after our sex-induced escapades.We were both near sleep, Chris more so than me, but as he held me, his hands moved to my stomach and he slurred, “Wouldn’t mind sharing something in here with you.”
My entire body froze as the cold sweat broke out like a fever, and I started to shiver.Chris pulled me closer to him and a few seconds later, his breath evened out.Even the notion that he wouldn’t remember what he said in his sleepy delirium, I knew better.
It was something inside of him that made him say that.He wanted kids.He wanted them andfuck, he wanted that with me, and I’d never be able to give that to him.Just like with Calvin.That son of a bitch wanted kids more than he wanted me, and it was clear.I wouldn’t do that again.
Ever!
However, when I tried to get up to leave that night, Chris had me in a cobra’s grip.I must have struggled so hard that it woke him up.
“W-what’s up?”His eyes squinted at me.“What’s wrong?”
“N-n-nothing.”I muttered.“I, uh, needed to go to the bathroom.”
“Kay,” Chris nodded and moved his arm.“You alright, Princess?”
Damn.
He started calling me that after ourGame of Thronesconversations because he felt like I was more like Daenerys, Queen of Dragons.We argued that she would be queen but he said he’d change it when she became queen.Officially, I chose not to read too much into that and just hushed him.But just like Chris, he continued to call me Princess, no matter how much I told him to stop.
“I’m fine.”I scooted off the bed and made a beeline for the bathroom, closed and locked the door, and stared at myself in the mirror.
There were no bags under my eyes, no weariness in my face, I didn’t look older, as a matter of fact, I was damn near glowing.My skin was vibrant, work was going well, and even book club was great.Yet, the panic that rose in me stood at attention on the edge of my nerves.
He was half-sleep.Maybe, he won’t remember.Maybe, it was a fluke.Maybe, it was the movie we watched.We were just friends.
Right?
Looking at myself again, I said it out loud.
“I’m not stressed.I’m doing well.I will remain well.”I sighed.“It means nothing.”
“Princess,” I heard Chris call me from outside the door.“Are you okay?”
Damn, I could hear the concern in his voice.He was getting nervous.I looked at myself one more time, took a deep breath, and muttered, “You got this.It’s going to be fine.”
“I’m good,” I flushed the toilet, washed my hands and opened the bathroom door.
Chris stood there with his eyebrows pushed together and frown lines etched in his forehead.
“What’s wrong?”He moved towards me.
“Nothing, Chris.I’m fine.”I tried to smile.
“Who were you talking to?”He asked.“Your phone is on the night table charging.”
This caused me to laugh out loud, then I said, “I had a bad dream and I was talking to myself.Reminding myself that it wasn’t real.Is that okay with you?”
I moved passed him and climbed on the bed to check my phone.There was nothing but a reminder to pick up my dry cleaning tomorrow.When I turned, I saw that Chris was still standing outside the bathroom door.
