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“Joshua,” one of the barista’s called.He looked up and then looked back at me.Like he was trying to communicate “stay” with his eyes.He smiled, turned and went to retrieve our coffee.
I, on the other hand, am not a dog.So I took this as my opportunity to make my exit and made it quickly.Thank goodness that place was crowded and right near the subway because my escape was flawless.I left, ran for the subway stairs, and the Red line train pulled right up as I passed through the turnstile.My scarf didn’t get caught, I didn’t fall and I was safely on my way home, away from crazy good looking men.Especially ones that followed me to local coffee shops, barricaded me in a corner and put their hands on my lips.My lips were still tingling from his soft touch.I probably have more cooties.Did he wash his hands?What in the world?
I walked to my apartment thinking about the man with the tailored suit.I ordered my take-out salivating about the man with the short-cropped haircut, I took a shower fantasizing about the man with the gray eyes, and I went to sleep dreaming about the man who touched my lips.What I didn’t think about was my diagnosis or how even if I stayed for coffee, once he found out that major tidbit, he probably would run to wash his hands and pray he wasn’t infected.
BOMBSHELL: I Don’t Date
…One year later…
SAMANTHA:
Roslyn looked at me like I had two heads.She has known me to do spontaneous things before, but I guess this was enough for her.
“Roslyn, don’t look at me like that.You don’t know what it’s like.I haven’t been on a date in one year, which means I had to buy another vibrator because mine ran out of juice.”I held up my hands in the air and emphasized my helplessness.“Ran out of freaking juice.It just died!”
“So, you are going to let this thing condemn you to a life of hell?”
“No, I’m going to go another route,” I replied.
Roslyn shook her head and gave the blow, “That’s your problem Sam, you walk around like you’re this strong independent woman, but in actuality, you’re a scared little girl.And when something frightens you, you run, escape and hide in the closet.You did it at ‘the dunce’ and you are doing it now.”
I could not believe her!
“And you say I’m the one that needs more fucking tact,” I fired back and walked out of the coffee shop.
“Sam, wait” she called back, but I was gone.
She’s got all the fucking nerve to tell me I’m scared and I run.Who the fuck does she think she is?I’m not scared, I’m a realist and I do not run, I create and innovate.
Fuck her.
I stormed towards the church, where the Herpes Anonymous meetings were held twice a month.It was in walking distance to the coffee shop and I met up with Roslyn to tell her that I was going to meet up with someone else who had herpes, well other people who had the disease.That’s when she started in on her ‘what was I thinking, how could I, I’m blowing this out of proportion, etc.’She has no idea.She is fucking married to a hottie and has been forever, he dotes on her and she doesn’t have to worry about meeting a guy, telling him she has an incurable disease and have him look at her like she just said she was from outer space.
The past year had been hell in my love life.I dated two guys and one of them I told up front, after he kissed me on the third date, that I had herpes.He all but wiped his mouth and stuttered, “R-really?”
I told him that I wouldn’t joke about something so serious and he gathered enough sense to finish his good night outside my apartment door by patting my shoulder.Patting my freaking shoulder and that was the last I heard from him.Roslyn said that I shouldn’t have told him outside on my steps, but that I should have explained to him in a more intimate setting.Elliot thought I should have waited until he got to second base at least.However, I’m one of those people that second base means we’re coming home.If a man gets to second base, he will have to finish what he started was my philosophy.
The second guy that I dated, I told him about my issue when we were beyond second base, which meant it was time to get the condoms.I remember it like it was yesterday.It was our fifth date and we were at his townhouse in Suitland, Maryland.He was a real-estate broker and easy on the eyes.I started the conversation off by asking him if there was anything sexually that he needed to disclose before we moved further.I kept kissing and grinding on him.At that moment, I was on top of him with my skirt hiked up around my waist, blouse open and shoes were off.He was in his t-shirt and pants, grabbing my butt to pull me down on him harder.He was big too.I couldn’t wait.I was wet and ready.
After he shook his head in the negative to my question, I told him that I did have something I needed to share.Abruptly, he stopped and asked if I had HIV.I told him no, then he asked if I had AIDS.I said no.Then he said, well what?So, I explained that I had herpes.After my explanation, he asked if I had any bumps on my vagina.I told him no.Then he asked if I got bumps on my lips, I told him no.He asked where I have seen the bumps, I told him on my back.Then he made a face, like he smelled an odor.I took that as my queue to leave.Quickly, climbing off his lap, I pulled my skirt down and put my shoes back on.He tried to get me to stay, blocking the door, apologizing, and whatever.However, I calmly buttoned my shirt, slipped on my suit jacket and asked him to move out of my way.
He called and texted for a whole week after that, but I blocked his number, so he kept using an unknown number and leaving messages.He eventually got the hint and so did I.I started looking online for Herpes Anonymous groups in the DC metropolitan area and to my surprise there were a lot of places.That was comforting.Not according to Roslyn, who thought all this wasn’t necessary.She said it was like dating your own race and it wasn’t diverse.Whatever Roslyn.I’m all for dating outside of my race, but honestly, sometimes you want to be around people that will accept you, everything about you and where you don’t have to explain anything.I’m not saying you can’t find people outside your race to have that, but sometimes it was harder.That is how I felt about herpes.Dating someone with herpes would allow me to just avoid the awkward revelation part and just be me with the disease and all that came with that.
I was so caught up in my thoughts, I walked right into something hard.I bounced back and focused my eyes to see I had run into someone.I started apologizing, “I’m so sorry.I wasn’t paying attention.”
I looked up to see a familiar scowl.Wait, I know this dude.
“Ah, I was wondering if I’d ever see you again,” he said with a smile.
“Where do I know you from?”
“You ran into me in the elevator and left me in the coffee shop.”
Oh shit.
“Uh, umm.”
He smiled wider.
