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Not yet. I shake against him, gasping between racking sobs. Not until he sees it’s hopeless. I’m hopeless. I have to get a taste of him before he gives up on me. “Please!”
I’m afraid he has no idea what I need more than anything, more than breathing. How can he possibly want me like this? A crying, neurotic mess of a submissive, unable to follow the most basic rules of play? He’s too nice, too kind, too—
He jerks my head lower, that big hand an unforgiving weight on my neck, his other fingers punishing my jaw, his thumb digging into the side of my face. To ensure my mouth is open. Wide open. Because he pushes against my lips, forcing his cock into my mouth. I completely sag into his hands, trying to unhinge my jaw so I can swallow him down as far as he cares to go. He isn’t hesitant, but jams himself deep, fucking the back of my throat so I can’t breathe against the force of him.
And I shudder and come so hard I’m afraid I’ll accidentally maim him.
Even then, he doesn’t pull out or back away. He grips my head in both hands, holding me up until I find my way back inside my body. My shoulders ache with strain, my hands still pinned behind me. I can’t hold on to him for balance. My ass is high in the air, my head low, with nothing but his hands to hold me up.
I suddenly realize he’s done all this on purpose. He could have let me blow him on my knees beside his bed. It sure would have been a lot more comfortable. Instead, he put me in an uncomfortable, unnatural position where he has to help me to give me what I want. If I hadn’t cried all my tears out earlier and already climaxed, I probably would’ve started crying again. Hope unfurls deep inside where I haven’t dared hope ever again.
Maybe, just maybe, I can fall without falling apart.
Because he’ll catch me.
I want it to last forever, the force of his big hands on my head, the feel of him hammering deep into my throat, but all too quickly I taste the hot flood of his release. He doesn’t make a sound as he comes. Dominant or not, it’s been a long time for him too. Breathing hard, he hauls me up into his arms and kicks off his pants. I hope for the bed, but in all honesty, I don’t mind where we go, as long as he lets me keep touching him. I’m starved, so needy for contact. But it’s more than human touch I want. It’s his energy as a dominant, that self-assurance rolling off him in waves that calls to me.
I’m an addict and he just gave me my first hit in years.
I want more.
As soon as he releases my hands, I smooth my palms over him. It’s not sexual. I want to touch. To taste. To lick every dark line inked into his chest. To memorize the lines of muscle and sinew, to revel in the power corded beneath his skin, so I can appreciate all that lean strength if he unleashes it on me again.
He doesn’t say anything as he carries me to the shower, but stands under the hot spray of water and lets me wash him with my body. He touches me too, running those big palms down my back and flanks to hold me close, but I sense it’s the same with him. He isn’t trying to arouse me—it’s more to assure us both that he’s still here. Still connected.
Then he gives me his mouth in the sweetest, tenderest kiss I’ve ever had. He takes my mouth slowly, savoring the way I taste. I feel so treasured that my eyes burn again, especially when he cups my face and whispers my name. As soon as I open my eyes, he smiles against my lips.
“Get dressed and then I’ll give you your instructions.”
The last thing on this earth I want is my clothes. I want to crawl into his bed and see how far I can push him. Since I didn’t look in his box of toys, I still don’t know exactly what he’s into, beyond bondage, and that’s been pretty mild so far. I haven’t even gotten the collar.
But when the Master saysinstructions,a smart sub doesn’t argue, not on the very first day. Once I’m more confident he won’t send me home, I might argue just to see what my punishment will be, but this soon, I don’t want to risk anything that might turn him off.
I don’t want to lose this… lose him… before…
I can’t finish the thought or risk breaking down again. I’ve already cried once and he hasn’t kicked me out. I don’t want to push my luck.
As soon as I step out of the bathroom, I want to strip off all the confining clothes and kneel beside the bed again.
Where he lays.
On his side, chest bare, but the rest of him hidden beneath the sheet, he watches me with smoldering, heavy eyes. Even seeing that silver ring winking at me from his nipple, I don’t move closer, for fear that once I go on my knees beside him, I’ll never be able to get up again.
“You mentioned you might have some errands to run today.”
Errands? I blink, trying to get my rusty mind to slip into gear and work despite the male perfection gazing at me. “Oh yeah, some last-minute shopping.”
“Good. I’m going to sleep for a few hours, and I don’t want you sitting around here waiting on me. Somehow I don’t think that I would rest very well, do you?” He chuckles, taking the sting out of his words, because yeah, despite my best intentions, I’m creeping toward him, my mouth watering to get that ring between my teeth. If he didn’t tell me to leave, I’d sit right here waiting for him to wake up with as much intensity as Sheba eying her ball. “If you want to come back tonight…”
“If?” I wince at the shrill tone of my voice.
“If,” he repeats calmly, “then there are a few things I want you to do first.”
“Okay, sure.” Actually, I have a few things I want to do too. I need to find the perfect Christmas present for him. I need to restock a few sexy things to wear, not that I’d mind if he makes me go nude all the time. Maybe a few old favorite toys as hints, in case he doesn’t have them.
“Rule Number 1—No shopping for you or me and this possible relationship.” When my mouth falls open to protest, he laughs again. “You’remy Christmas present, Ranay. Your trust is all I want for Christmas this year. I also don’t want any of your old patterns to crop up yet. Not until I know what we’re dealing with. This is a fresh start for us both. In fact, I’m going to throw out that old dusty box too. This is new and we’re going to explore it together. If there’s a toy we mutually decide we need, we’ll go buy it together.”
He turns my disappointment into something sweet that melts down my throat and heats my stomach. “Okay.”
