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“So you betrayed him with another dominant.”
I hang my head, my heart shredding all over again. I thought if I could love him enough, I would have been able to deny my needs. And here I am, facing another wonderfully passionate and dominant man who doesn’t seem to have a single predilection for pain and punishment. I swipe the tears from my cheeks, but I still manage to laugh. “What’s ironic is the sadist didn’t hurt me that much that night. I mean, it was hardly worth losing our relationship over. I didn’t come and he had to quit because his arm gave out.”
“You disobeyed Josh.”
There isn’t any judgment or disappointment in Charlie’s voice, but I still cringe at the memory. That tore me up more than anything, that I failed my Master, even though he set me up to fail and couldn’t provide the one thing I needed more than anything else. “Yes.”
“If he loved you enough, he would have set you up to fulfill your needs, whatever they were.”
I shrug, still hanging my head. My therapist said pretty much the same thing, but deep down, my heart still can’t believe it. If I didn’t need so much, then I could have a normal relationship. I wouldn’t have let him down.
“Are you going to disobey me?”
Misery hunches my shoulders and I shrug again, afraid of the condemnation I’ll see on his face. “I won’t mean to. But there are some things I can’t do without, even if that’s what you expect.”
Silence stretches between us. Moment by moment, my muscles winch tighter. I try not to shake, but I’m quivering with need. The need to wail and cry at the unfairness. To hide from the shame churning my stomach. To avoid his pity.
When he finally starts to speak, I flinch, though his voice is still soft as ever. “What do you need most of all, Ranay? What’s the one thing that no one has ever been able to do for you?”
“Pain,” I whisper hoarsely. “While you fuck me.”
He sighs heavily and sets his glass aside. I bow my head, trying not to groan with the agony of losing him already. This isn’t the kind of pain I enjoy. Not at all.
“I didn’t intend to let you see that side of me so quickly.”
That brings my head up. I search his eyes, looking for the truth. The swirling darkness is back, sucking me under, promising danger and bliss and everything I’ve ever wanted, though his voice is a mere whisper. “Do you trust me, Ranay? Really trust me? Do you trust me to see to your needs, whatever they are?”
I swallow so hard I almost choke, my throat closing off so I can’t breathe. He reaches down and tips my chin up. I love this side of him, definitely. But I want the blazing malice of the Master too.
I can’t help the tears again, though at least I don’t sob like a baby this time. “You’re too nice to give me everything I need!”
It’s an accusation, my words ringing shrilly between us.
I never expect him to laugh.
I mean, he throws his head back and roars with amusement as if I told him the funniest joke he’s ever heard in his life. Before he’s done, I’m drumming my fingers on my thighs and seriously thinking about using that steak knife to jab him between the ribs.
“You probably won’t believe me,” he gasps out, finally starting to contain his mirth at my expense. “But the last thing any sub has ever accused me of being is too nice.”
I know it’s stupid, even as I stand and plant my hands on my hips. One does not poke a bear, even if it seems to be hibernating peacefully, and he ordered me to my knees. But what do I have to lose? Either he’s right, and he can give me exactly what I want, or he’s wrong, and he already said he doesn’t want a slave like me. “No, you’re right. I don’t believe you.”
His laughter stills and he gazes up at me, loose in his chair, fully relaxed. But his eyes have changed. They aren’t soft and molten chocolate in the candlelight any longer, though they aren’t the hard eyes of the Master, either. This cold man is a stranger to me.
“Do you trust me?” His voice is laced with an undercurrent of something not right. Not the calm, confident power of the Master, or the sharper threat of a sadist, but something else. I don’t know what it is, but that look sends a chill through me. Not fear, not exactly, but I can’t put my finger on it. My stomach tightens and my nape prickles with warning.
He waits for my answer, unmoving. I don’t think he’s breathing, though he still looks completely natural and relaxed. “It’s not too late to change your mind. I won’t stop you if you want to leave. You ought to leave. Now.”
Whether he intends it or not, his words have the opposite effect on me. I cross my arms and tip my chin up. “No. I won’t leave unless you make me.”
I don’t know what or how it happens. One breath, he’s sprawled in his chair. The next, he’s on top of me, sweeping my legs out from under me and taking me to the floor. His weight slams into me so hard I lose the ability to breathe.
I’m not hurt. He even catches my head in his palm to keep my skull from cracking on the floor. I blink up at him, my whole body aching.
The look on his face sends my heart lurching into a frantic drumming that makes me dizzy. So cold, so bleak and empty that I shiver with dread. He looks at me with…
Hunger. Cold hunger. Like some kind of animal. Or killer.
“Red,” he growls. “Remember it.”
