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I squeeze the phone so hard my fingers ache. “You’re still here.”
“Of course. I’d never leave you to face this danger alone.”
“But Sheba got shot!”
“I’m watching you, Ranay. Always. Sometimes I’m so close I’m sure you’ll see me. That you’ll betray me and not even know it. I can’t help but stay close to you. It kills me to know that you’re in danger. That I put you there. But I deserve that punishment for what I’m putting you through. I was nearby that night but I couldn’t act. Not until I knew who the target was. After the way Daniels stared at you the night of the break-in, I thought he might be my target. I’m glad I didn’t slit his throat for staring at your breasts.”
I choke back a cry of dismay. “You’d do that?”
He laughs and it almost sounds like Charlie again. Sheba’s Charlie, the warm and tender man who made me melt into a puddle at his feet. “I’m teasing. Mostly.”
“Were you ever gone? Or were those trips just an exercise to make sure I could survive on my own?”
I can’t help the bitterness in my voice. I agonized without him, even before he had to disappear. I moped and struggled to overcome my loneliness and need for him. I did it, but it wasn’t easy. Now to hear he’s been here all along, that I’m only an assignment to him. My misery, a game, a test.
“I never lied to you. So when I said I was in New York, I was.”
“And you were in St. Paul.”
I hear a slight sound from him, a tiny inhale that tells me I surprised him. “Yes.”
“Why? You told Deputy Daniels it was to meet an old friend.”
“I never lied toyou. I never promised not to lie to other people.”
“So you weren’t with an old friend. Who was it, then?”
“It wasyourold friend.”
It takes me a minute. “Josh? You went to see Josh?”
“No.” He drags the word out. “Not exactly. Remember my promise to you? Anyone who hurts you is dead.”
“You…” My voice is breathless and fragile, so soft he might not be able to hear me. “You killed Josh?”
“I meant to. I would have. But I didn’t have a contract on him, so I decided to talk to him first. See what he had to say for himself. He regrets you. He still misses you. I could understand that, despite his stupid mistakes. Still, I would have killed him, but I remembered that you thought he was a nice guy, even though he couldn’t satisfy you. So I settled for putting an unholy fear in him. He’s not to even think about you or I’ll come back to finish him off. I doubt he’ll be looking for a new plaything anytime soon.”
My stomach churns, acid burning my throat. “So let me get this straight. The only reason you didn’t kill him is because I thought he was a nice guy?”
“And I thought you might not like it.”
I open my mouth but the words won’t come. I swallow hard and try again. “Imightnot like it? Seriously? You can’t just go around killing people.”
“Killing’s in my blood, Ranay. I channel it toward good as much as I can. I take contracts on serial killers. I joined Doctors Without Borders to protect doctors who are risking their lives in third-world countries. But sometimes I fear it won’t be enough. Someday, no matter how hard I try to keep the monster locked away, I’ll go on a killing rampage until someone manages to put me down with a bullet in my skull. That’s the only thing that will stop me.”
“No,” I retort. “The only thing that will stop you is me. You wanted a hard limit? A serious limit? That’s it. I can understand why you target serial killers, but I can’t tolerate random killing. Certainly not killing in my name, because you want to get back at an ex-boyfriend who’s just trying to live his life.”
I press a hand to my stomach, trying to quiet the rolling nausea. “Don’t kill for me. Not like that. Rusk, sure, I hope you nail him as soon as you get the chance. But not Josh, or Talon, or anyone else who just made a mistake that’s in the past. That’s a deal-breaker for me.”
I wait for his response, the silence stretching out an uncomfortably long time. I can’t bear to lose him, but I can’t stand by and do nothing while people who don’t deserve to die fall under his blade. No matter how much I love him.
“You…” He pauses. “You’d do that for me? You’d stop me?”
I sharpen my voice to a dagger. “Red.”
His breath sighs out. “Thank you, Ranay. I never…” I can’t see him, but I know he’s running his hand through his hair and tugging on his curls. “You don’t know what this means to me. Please, keep me from crossing this line. You’re the only one who can.”
“I will.” My voice rings out, strong and sure. “I won’t let you down. Not in this.”
