AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I shake my head, tears of shame filling my eyes. But I don’t look away. It’s too late to hide. “I dropped out of college to be with him. When we broke up, I was worthless for a long time. I couldn’t get my life back together. I’d put my whole will and being into the relationship, and without him, I didn’t know what or who I was. And what’s sad is I really didn’t love him. I only loved his bad-boy persona.”
I swallow hard, bracing myself for the next ugly chapter of my life. “Then I met Josh online through a Discord catering to alternative lifestyles. I moved to St. Paul so I could be close to him. My family came to visit us, and they liked him. I mean, compared to Talon in college, Josh was a saint. He taught me a lot of the things I’d been dying to explore. For a year, we lived together, and we even talked about marriage. Before things got too heavy.”
“You lived as his slave.”
He says it gently without accusation, but I still flinch.Slaveis such an ugly word, even though that’s exactly what I want the most. It implies no choice. No hope. No will. In many ways, that had been my life for a long time, as much as I hate to admit it. “Yes. For the first time, I had exactly what I’d been looking for. I thought that meant I didn’t have to make decisions. I worked, but even outside our home, he was the driving force in my life. That’s the way I wanted it. The way I needed it. I gave up more and more without realizing I was doing it. One day I woke up and realized I hadn’t talked to my family in months. I didn’t do anything but go to work and come home to wait for him. I made him my entire life. So when he called things off…”
Even now, months of recovery and therapy later, I still shudder. I touch my chest reflexively, haunted by phantom heartache so severe I’m not sure how I’m still alive. “I fell apart. I couldn’t function. He wasn’t heartless. I mean, he didn’t kick me out, but he made it clear I needed to get my shit together and move along, the sooner the better. Eventually I was scaring him enough that he called my family to come get me.”
Charlie gives me another sip of the sweet wine, his fingers stroking my cheek. “Why did he call things off?”
“He couldn’t handle me anymore. He said I needed too much. When he tried to ease me off, I couldn’t. I couldn’t let go, couldn’t move on. I didn’t know how to do anything on my own. I was a baby all over again.” I take a deep breath and force the next words out. “We’re pretty sure I suffered a breakdown. I’ve been in therapy. I know now that wasn’t a healthy Master-slave relationship. Even 24/7 slaves can still function and take care of themselves. I took it too far, and though I’m better now…” I force myself to look into his eyes, braced to see his withdrawal. “It’s taken me a long time to get back to living. I can’t do it again.”
He doesn’t avoid my gaze. In fact, he leans down and kisses my forehead. “Of course not. I’d never ask you to live like that, Ranay.”
“You wouldn’t have to ask me to live like that. Don’t you understand? That was me, all me. Josh was a nice guy. He didn’t try to break me. He’s not a villain. I don’t hate him. He was horrified and scared to death when he saw how pitiful I was. How weak. He was afraid I’d hurt myself.”
“Would you?”
My therapist asked me the same thing, and I give him the same answer. “If my family hadn’t come to get me, yeah, I would have.”
“Are you on medications for anxiety or depression now?”
Now that my secrets are out, I’m numb. He warmed my hands, but my heart is cold and heavy in my chest. “No. I don’t even see my therapist any longer unless I need a visit. But I also haven’t been with anyone since.”
I wait for him to make some lame excuse or joke, to blow me off. I’m damaged goods. I should have known I couldn’t hide it from him for long, though I’d hoped I could at least have a night or two to tide me over for the rest of my life. I smile at him wistfully. “Is it okay if I still watch Sheba tonight? I won’t bother you again after that.”
His face tightens into grim lines that send my heart thumping frantically. He cups my chin and squeezes hard enough to leave red marks on my face.
Fuck, it feels so fucking good. Too good. I can’t imagine never having someone touch me like this again. Someone who knows what I need before I can voice it.
“You’d better bother me again. It’s taken me a year to figure out how to get the truth out of you. Don’t give up on me so quickly, Ranay.”
Me, give up on him? I can’t help but laugh, though it sounds bitter and hopeless. “You can’t possibly still want me in your house, taking care of your dog, trying to figure out how to get under your skin enough that you’ll break your promises about getting to know each other before you fuck me.”
He slides a hand into my hair, gripping my nape in one big hand that could break me like a twig. He glares into my eyes. “I want you. I want you under my roof, caring for Sheba, and yes, I want you in my bed caring for me too. I’m not like that other idiot who didn’t support you or help you find your own place in an unconventional relationship. I will take care of you, Ranay. I will make sure you have everything you need to function and live your life to the fullest.”
I don’t back down from him. The show of his power only inflames me. I push into his space, nose to nose, using my hand in his shirt to pull myself tighter to him. “Unconventional relationship? Those are big words forslave.”
“Hear me now, Ranay.” His voice makes me shiver, all raw and barely leashed violence. I never imagined he hid that kind of aggression, but I love it. He’s my bad boy and my Master and my gentle lover all wrapped up into one tidy package. “I will always tell you the truth, no matter how ugly, and I never break my promises. Never. If you give yourself to me, I will treasure you. If you feel weak, I’ll help make you strong. If you have a need, I’ll meet it, whatever it is. And if at any time I’m bad for you, then I will free you to protect you. I won’t leave you high and dry, alone and afraid, but I refuse to tear down anything you’ve built for yourself.
“If you need to be free, I’ll do it.” His left hand rises up toward his right eye. “Even if I have to take a bullet to the skull.”
I press my forehead to his, clutching him as close as I can get to him. “I don’t want to be free if I can be yours, even for one night.”
“You’re mine,” he growls out, cupping the back of my head. “But not tonight.”
Inwardly I groan with desperation, but I don’t voice a single word of disagreement. It’d be stupid to start off by challenging the Master’s will. I can’t help but cling to him, though, as he sets me down beside him. I’ve practically climbed into his lap.
He checks his watch and groans for me. “We’ve got ten minutes for me to show you around and make sure you’re comfortable. I can’t be late for this appointment, or I swear I’d just reschedule the trip until after the holiday.”
“I understand.”
Releasing my hair, he slides his hand to my face and lightly rubs his thumb across my lips. “Do you have any questions?”
“Thousands.”
He laughs and stands, taking me with him. “Any I need to answer tonight before I leave?”
