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The machine that beeps to the sound of his heart only continues to slow. It’s a matter of minutes. I can feel an ache in my chest—a kind of pain I’ve never felt before in my life, and that says a lot. It feels as if my heart is rising into my throat.
Life is a fucking joke. Nothing can ever be enjoyed because the second I allow myself to feel joy, nothing but hatred takes over.
Ihatethis.
I let the hate consume my thoughts as if I’m never supposed to feel anything else, because I don’t want to. I don’t deserve to. I’ve enjoyed many things in my life, but this moment proves to me that I was weak.
I cared for my brother in a way most can’t even begin to understand. I loved him more than I hated him, and look where that got me.
He left me too.
I’m all alone in this world, and there is nothing I can do about it except face the harsh reality.
If I never allow myself to feel love—to feel overwhelmed by the happiness others can give me—nothing will hurt me.
“Mia has an envelope that you need to open. It includes everything I have planned for you.”
“This is wrong,” I tell him.
I know deep in my heart that my father never meant for me to take over. I could see it in his eyes—he never looked at me like I was worth what he is about to give me. He thought I was less than Kirill because I had a softer heart than him. I was the person to take care of Anya. The little girl she once was had my heart on a leash, and I didn’t have a problem with that.
I hold my breath in a weak attempt to tell my body to get its shit together. I don’t want Pavel to see me crying while he’s on his death bed, getting ready to hand over his legacy to me with open arms.
“No. It is right. I raised you as my own from the moment I saw you. All these years I’ve known it’s you who will take over. I trust you will do exactly what needs to be done. Take back, Mikhail. Do not give. Be ruthless if you must, and never—”
“Never let a man beat you when you’re already down.”
“Take back New York,” he mutters, his voice so clumsy I can hardly understand him.
I listen to every beat of his words as if each one is about to be his last. He tells me that he always knew it would be me, but I know he’s just saying that so I have faith in myself.
His eyes flutter with each word I say. His body is failing him, and I can do nothing but watch the strongest man I know become the weakest. Become nothing.
The monitor that was once beeping to the sound of his weak heart becomes flat. Lifting my eyes, I watch the line on the screen run to the edge, not once rising to his regular heartbeat. I stare at it as if it’s going to change, but it won’t. It just sings the devil’s wrath. That one tone over and over again, screaming to me that he is gone.
I let go of his hand gently and place it beside his body, wiping the tears from my eyes. I lift myself off the chair and bring my ear to his mouth.
I hear no snarky remark fall from his lips. I don’t hear his breath. I don’t hear the sound of his laughter, a signal he’s about to rise from the bed and tell me it was all just a joke.
I yank the cord out of the wall and listen to the room fall silent. I never knew silence could be a fucking joke.
A cruel laugh escapes me, and I force my eyes shut, pressing down on them as hard as I can. I’ll only give myself a moment to grieve; after that I won’t allow myself to feel anything else. No love, no remorse ... nothing.
I walk to the door and swing it open.
Leaning against the wall with one of his legs crossed over the other and his arms folded across his chest, he looks at me as if he already knows what I’m thinking.
Lev has been one of my right-hand men for a long time now. He’ll stay by my side no matter what I do.
“I want a moment with him,” a man says, walking up to me until his face is only inches from mine. His attitude makes up for something I’m sure he lacks. He has no reason to be challenging me right now.
My father never hired ignorant men, only men with the urge to fight for a power they’ll never have.
“You can have your moment at his funeral.” I walk past him to Lev. “I want it arranged for today. I don’t care who can make it—I want him buried properly, and I will not wait for the convenience of others.”
“Yes, boss.”
I feel the man’s eyes drilling a hole in the back of my head. He’s envious of the power I hold. He speaks up to challenge me, but I quickly shut him down.
