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I take a deep breath, steadying my voice. “Why did he kick you out?”
“I don’t know. He said he couldn’t handle me anymore.” His eyes narrow and I wonder what he’s thinking, but I don’t have to wait long before he answers. “But I think he was just ashamed of me.”
My breath hitches. Thinking that anyone could be ashamed of this brave man is too much.
He runs drugs.
I push that thought down because Gideon is so much more than his job.
“That doesn’t make sense,” I say. “Your father should be proud of you.”
“Even though I’m a criminal?” He smirks.
My lips thin, and I laser him with astop itexpression. “You might be a criminal, but there’s more to you.”
“Not much, but thanks.”
“Do you ever think about quitting?”
“No.”
“But it’s dangerous. You could get killed,”I whisper.
“That’s the risk that I’m willing to take.”
I shake my head.“You shouldn’t have to risk your life like that.”
Gideon smiles at me, but it’s a sad smile. “But that’s the thing about life, Sasha…it’s risky no matter what you do.”
I tilt my head back to look up at the ceiling. What he just told me has opened up a whole bunch of additional questions I want to ask, but I don’t know where to start.
“It looks like you’re thinking real hard down there.”
“How did you meet my brother?” I don’t look at him as I ask the question. Talking about Roman makes me feel cut up inside, like little shards of glass are breaking apart inside me.
Maybe it’s my heart breaking?
He sighs heavily. “Do you really want to do this right now?”
“I think we have to.”
I don’t see him, but I feel his body shake. “I don’t know how we met. I can’t remember. One day, your brother was hanging around, asking for work. It was when Tobias was still in charge…”
“And?”
“We brought him in. Roman and I became friends.” He grunts. “Or I thought we were.” He pauses, and I feel his chest rise and fall with deep breaths. My body tenses, worry building for what’s to come. “I didn’t know. I didn’t realize what he was up to. Not until it was too late. Not until the very end. I don’t tolerate that.”
In the past, Gideon has said this, but now that I know him, I believe him, and I have to let go of the part of me that still lingers on the idea that Gideon is to blame.
If I want to be with him, that’s what I have to do.
Being with Gideon is like standing at the edge of a great abyss. A bottomless pit that seems to go on forever. I’m not able to see the other side, and the thought of jumping in is terrifying.
But something inside me tells me that’s exactly what I should do.
Jump.
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