Page 34 of Control Me


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“I don’t see why this is a problem.”

“Of course you don’t, because it’s not your perfectly constructed life that will fall to pieces.”

He lets out a sigh, and this time his tone is serious as he says, “Listen to me, Nikolai. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize you’ve let the only woman you could love get away.” Maxim pauses to let his words sink in. “Take time and thinkthings through. If your feelings for the woman keep growing, just go for it. At least the odds are in your favor.”

“How do you figure that?”

“She let you fuck her. It’s an emotional act for women.”

He clearly doesn’t know Abigail.

“Stop worrying and let things happen naturally. You can’t control every-fucking-thing in this world.”

“I’m sure as fuck going to try,” I growl.

“I pity the woman who has to deal with your OCD and control issues,” he taunts me.

“Yeah, like you’ve done for over thirty years.”

“Damn, you’re right. I pity myself.”

“Fuck off,” I chuckle.

“Feeling better?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“Good, now about Camilla DuBois. The woman is fucking infuriating.”

I break down in a fit of laughter, and only once I get it under control do I say, “You just lectured me about love and relationships. Did you miss the entire conversation?”

“I don’t care about the woman.”

“Yet,” I chuckle, enjoying this way too much. “Give it time. Soon she’ll be under your skin, and before you know what’s happening, you’re fucking her brains out, and your best friend tells you just to let things happen naturally.”

“You’re impossible to talk with today. I’ll call tomorrow when you’re in a better mood.”

I’m still laughing when he hangs up. Shaking my head, I drop the device on the coffee table, then I let out a groan as I bury my face in my hands. “Christ, I’m so fucking fucked.”

I just had a twenty-minute-long conversation with Maxim, and I’m no closer to an answer.

I grew up in a happy home with parents who adore each other. There’s no reason for my apprehensiveness to get involved with a woman.

Maybe I’m just one of those people who isn’t meant to be in a relationship. I care about Abigail, and I’d rather stop things now before she falls in love with me like Anja did.

Slowly I pull my hands away from my face as the realization sinks in.

Even though I did my best to make Anja believe that I loved her, it took a hell of a lot out of me. Yes, I did a good thing, but it made me feel like shit. I fucking deceived a dying woman.

I never want to be in a position like that again.

I don’t know if what I feel for Abigail has the potential to become love. Getting into a relationship with her and allowing her to fall in love with me would be too much of a risk.

The last thing I want to do is give the woman false hope before breaking her heart.

We fucked, and it was amazing. Let’s leave it at that.

Chapter 14

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