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Her gaze darts to my face, and she gapes at me. “What?”
Not wanting her to feel pressured, I quickly add, “Just for a short while. You’ll love the island, and you can paint to your heart’s delight. Take a break from St. Monarch’s and the pressures of life.”
“I…ahh…”
When uncertainty flashes over her face, I say, “You don’t have to give me an answer now. Think about it.”
Abigail nods, but she seems nervous as she places a blank canvas on the easel. Her eyes only dart to me for a second. “You don’t have to stay. I know you’re busy with work.”
Work can fucking wait.
Stepping closer, my tone is cautious when I mention, “I saw the black painting. Are you struggling to find inspiration?”
She lets out a miserable sigh. “I was just having a bad day.”
Wanting to distract her from her trauma, I take another step closer to her and ask, “Will you give me a painting lesson.”
The corner of her mouth lifts. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”
Shrugging, I shove a hand in my pocket. “Explain what everything is for. Show me how you hold the brush. Start with the little things.”
A small smile plays around her lips as she nods. “Okay, but I can’t guarantee you’ll learn anything.”
I don’t care about that, moya lyubov'. I just want to spend time with you and offer a distraction from your demons.
Abigail starts to list all the equipment and shows me the right amount of paint to squirt on the palette.
When her brush touches the canvas, and she starts to paint, she falls silent, and soon I watch the image takes shape.
There are no blacks, but instead, vibrant colors, and I’m taking it as another win.
Chapter 24
Abbie
It seems feeling torn in two is becoming my new normal.
Whenever I spend time with Nikolai, who’s been super patient and supportive the past week, I forget what happened to me. But once I’m alone again, the nightmare returns full force, and I know nothing can come of a friendship with Nikolai. At some point, he might try to initiate sex, and I’m afraid I’ll lose my mind.
The thought of sex – the act itself – disgusts me.
I still feel attracted to Nikolai, and I think he’s an amazing man. Even more so now that I’m getting to know him on a deeper level.
I want to run into his arms and beg him never to leave my side. I want this brutal and powerful man to protect me against the cruel world.
I want to get to know all of him. What makes him smile? What brings him joy? What he’s like when he’s with family?
But I can’t be intimate with him. Not while everything in me is still reeling from the violence inflicted on me.
It’s been a week since he asked me to go to his home, and I still owe him an answer.
The thoughts keep running through my mind while I’m sitting in Aurora’s suite. My friend is wearing a wedding gown while a seamstress makes some last-minute adjustments.
“You look so beautiful,” I compliment Aurora.
I have a smile in place while I go through the actions expected of me so she doesn’t notice something’s wrong.
The last thing I want to do is ruin her wedding day, and besides, I can’t talk about the rape.
