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Uncontrollable rage tears through me like a savage beast. My body starts to quiver like a bow that can’t stretch any farther.
I lift a shaking hand and wrap my fingers around the back of her neck. It feels as if I’m stuck in slow motion as I pull her against my chest.
Stay calm. You have to be strong for her.
I close my eyes and force myself to focus on Abigail.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner,” I groan, my arms locking around her trembling body. “I’m sorry I didn’t stop you from leaving St. Monarch’s.”
She shakes her head as sobs burst from her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t man up sooner. If I had told you how I felt…if I hadn’t been so stubborn…”
“It’s not your fault,” she cries. “I was ordered to go home by my father. Nothing you did would’ve changed that.”
I hold her tighter, curving my body around hers. “I’m so fucking sorry you had to suffer such an atrocity.”
I press a kiss to her hair, my heart shattering into a million pieces. I feel her pain radiating from her, and for the first time since I’ve become a man, a tear rolls down my cheek.
My voice is unrecognizable when I whisper, “I’m sorry,moya lyubov'.”
Abigail is the first to calm down, and pulling away from me, she wipes the tears from her face with the back of her hand.
When she keeps her eyes lowered, I place my finger beneath her chin and nudge her face up. Locking eyes with her, I say, “Don’t hide. I love all of you, Abigail. Your demons are my demons.”
Her face is torn from the despair she feels. “Do you pity me?”
“Christ, no.” I shake my head as I frame her face with my hands. “I’m fucking angry, and my heart hurts for you. My soul rages at the injustice that I didn’t get to kill the fucker.”
Fresh sobs burst from her before she throws her arms around me. It sounds like the cries are being torn from her soul as she breaks in my arms.
“It hurt so much.”
I clench my jaw as unrelenting rage consumes me. I need to destroy something the way she’s been destroyed.
Abigail lifts her tear-streaked face to me and allows me to see the disgust she feels. The horror that’s been hiding in her eyes is now a living monster.
“I don’t know what to do.” She shakes her head. “The memories are killing me.” Her hand grips my bicep, her nails digging into my skin. There is devastating desperation on her face as she looks at me like I hold the power to save her. “I can’t deal with it, Nikolai. I can’t…”
I sweep her up into my arms and walk to the sofa. Cradling my woman against my chest, I press kisses all over her face. “I’ll hold you, so you won’t shatter,” I promise. “I’ll carry you so you can use all your strength to fight the demons.”
Her arms wrap around me, and she clings to me.
She faced her trauma alone. For an entire fucking month.
“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me,” I murmur hoarsely. “I’ll do everything in my power to help you heal.”
My arms cage her to me where no one will dare to touch her.
I have no idea how much time passes before she whispers, “I don’t have nightmares when I’m with you.”
Thank. Fucking. God.
“From now on, you’ll stay by my side, baby,” I order. If I can make sure she never suffers a fucking nightmare, then I’ll handcuff her to me if need be.
Abigail presses her face against my neck. “I feel safe with you.”
My heart constricts, the words meaning everything to me because I know it’s what matters most to her. She needs to feel safe so she can heal.
