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“How you been?” I asked, wincing as soon as the words were out of my mouth. I sounded like an idiot.
“I’m fine, Leo,” she replied. “I’d like to go inside, though.”
The rain was completely soaking us both, but I still didn’t move as I stared at the side of her face. She looked older, if that was possible. Her cheeks had thinned out or something.
“Are you wearing makeup?” I asked stupidly.
“What?” She looked at me in surprise. “Yeah.”
“Why?” I blurted.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You never did before.”
“I couldn’t see my face before.”
“You looked better without it,” I said truthfully.
Her eyes widened and she shoved at my chest, pushing me to the side. “You’re an asshole.”
“Shit,” I mumbled as she walked through the door behind me. “I didn’t fuckin’ mean it like that!”
I spun and followed her into the clubhouse, grateful that the place was pretty much deserted. As soon as she began to pass the door to my room, I wrapped an arm around her waist, and lifted her off her feet as I shoved my key into the lock.
“Leo,” she hissed as I carried her through the doorway. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” I replied, slamming the door behind me. “You don’t get to be pissed because I said you were prettier without makeup.”
“Are you fucking with me right now?” she asked incredulously. “Fine, you didn’t mean it. Bye, Leo.”
“No,” I said stubbornly, leaning against the door.
“Jesus Christ,” she muttered.
“You haven’t talked to me,” I said, pointing at her until she slapped my hand out of the air. “You’ve ignored me for fuckin’ months.”
“That’s what you wanted,” she replied, throwing her hands in the air.
“No, it isn’t.”
“I’m not your goddamn pet, Leo,” she said, her eyes so dark they were almost black. “I’m not gonna follow you around like a puppy.”
“I never asked you to follow me around.”
“No, you wanted the opposite, right?” she asked, taking a step forward. “You started fucking someone else so I’d get the picture, I got it.”
“You’re too fucking young for me,” I yelled.
“Fine! Then leave me the fuck alone!”
“You’ve always been too young for me, why the fuck is anything different now?”
“Because you kissed me, you fucking idiot,” she hissed. “You changed the rules, not me.”
“That was a mistake,” I ground out.
“Agreed,” she snapped.
I could say it was a mistake. I could, but she couldn’t.
“Oh, you think so?” I asked, my voice growing soft.
Her eyes widened as I moved toward her, but she refused to take a step back.
“You know it wouldn’t work,” she said quietly, as soon as our faces were just inches apart. “We both know it.”
“You movin’ on then?” I asked, reaching up to run my finger down the braid lying over her shoulder. “Gonna pretend like we weren’t ever friends?”
“We weren’t friends,” she said, her voice barely audible. “You put up with me, but we were never friends.”
I inhaled sharply, and shook my head. Resting my forehead against hers, I remembered all the times over the last two years when she’d shown up at my worst moments. Swear to God, the girl knew just when I was feeling lowest, she had a radar for that shit, and she’d show up with a smile on her face and a funny story about God knows what, and I’d instantly feel better. She had that effect on people. Without fail, Lily—with her filthy mouth and dirty sense of humor—could completely change someone’s mood.
“We were friends, baby,” I whispered, hating that she thought anything different.
“I don’t want to watch you with someone else,” she said, her mouth curling up on one side in a sad smile. “And I have to watch now. It’s better if I just stay away.”
“Not better for me,” I argued.
“It’s better for me,” she said.
I couldn’t argue with that, so I didn’t stop her as she turned and left the room.
* * *
“Time to run the gauntlet, huh?” my Uncle Nix said, handing me a beer that night.
The drive to Portland had been easy. Driving one of the trucks wasn’t my preference, but considering the fact that it was pissing rain, I wasn’t going to complain. Sucked that it gave me so much time to think, though. My mind raced between the way Lily had looked at me in the clubhouse, and how I was going to get to Sokolov without anyone noticing I was at his hotel. I hated to say it, but I thought of Lily a fuck of a lot more.
“I volunteered,” I told Nix, nodding my thanks for the beer.
“Why?”
I watched my uncle as he dropped onto the couch next to me, trying to figure out how to explain it to him. He was different than us—not in a bad way—he just was. He didn’t live life by our rules, didn’t spend his life looking over his shoulder or figuring out new ways to stay off the government’s radar. He was a good guy, and definitely one I’d trust guarding my back, but he didn’t have the instincts or drive that the rest of us had.
