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I felt like I was in an episode of Dr. Phil, but I didn’t interrupt again. He was getting to a point, but I wished he’d hurry up and try to do it without emotionally flaying us in the process.
“I propose polyamory.”
I blinked at him, waiting for him to get to the punchline of the joke, as I tried to formulate a response.
River beat me to it. “What the actualfuck?”
“You’ve lost your mind, Rigby. We need to get your head checked, because I think you’ve taken one too many sticks to the temple,” I added.
Rigby waved his hands. “No, no, hear me out. These are our options right now. Number one, we stop all this. We get Nova her own place, because she’s too fucking tempting to resist.” He threw Nova a heat-laden smirk. “Number two, we take this to a physical level and Nova can just bed hop until she wants to choose one, or none, of us. Satisfying, but not actually a long-term solution. I don’t think Nova is going to be happy to be a bed warmer forever.”
I looked at Nova, and she was chewing her bottom lip like she was going to gnaw it right off. I wanted to lean over and replace her teeth with my own.
The idea of tasting her, being with her, and then her choosing someone else, hurt more than I wanted to admit. I wanted all of her or none of her; they were my two choices. Anything else made fire burn in my chest.
“What’s the third option?” I asked impatiently, though he’d already told us. I just wanted him to lay it out for me like I was a layman.
The coffee table groaned as Rigby sat down on it. “We go into this with an idea of commitment. Of permanence and exclusivity. River and me, we’re on the road six months of the year, longer if we make the playoffs. That’s no way to have a committed relationship with anyone. But you’d be here. A steady presence, taking care of Nova and Huey when we are away. I’d smooth over the rough emotional edges you guys have, so you don’t cut her with all your damage. She wouldn’t be shouldering the entire emotional load of your relationship until she quits.”
I wanted to argue that wasn’t how it happened, but the few committed affairs I’d had—because they were never relationships—would support his theory. I looked over at River, trying to judge what he thought, but his face was unreadable. Nova just looked shell-shocked.
“I bring nothing to the table,” River said softly, his face still a blank mask.
Rigby tried—and failed—not to roll his eyes. “It’s not a business transaction, Coop. It's a relationship. You get out what you put in.”
Surprisingly, it was Nova who moved across the couch to sit beside him, her fingers twining with his. “You bring something.”
River surprised me when he didn’t move away. Shit, maybe Rigby was right. “What do you think of this?” he asked Nova, the first person to ask, like she wasn’t literally the center of this whole little charade.
“I should move out.”
I froze, my whole body going cold, then hot. I really didn’t want her to leave.
“But I don’t want to,” she added softly. I stifled a relieved breath. “I’m not sure I could just have sex without getting feelings, either. I want to pretend I can, and maybe for a while I could. But emotions are messy, and you guys are, well, you.”
What did that even mean? But Rigby clearly knew, and he was leaning forward eagerly. “So you want to try this?”
“I’m not saying that, either. I’ve never even been on a date with any of you. I’m not about to jump headlong into some alternative relationship with you all.” Rigby looked crestfallen. “But I’m open to seeing where it goes, if you guys are open to it too.”
He nodded eagerly. “Of course. We’ll go on dates, all the normal stuff.”
“What about the press?” River asked, dropping a lead balloon right on all the progress we’d made.
Rigby shrugged. “We’ll cross that bridge if it becomes a problem. Until we become official, we toe the party line. We’re good friends. Nova is special. When we’re all in, we’ll talk to the executive team about making some kind of official announcement.”
I looked between them. I hadn’t fucking thought about the team. “It won’t affect your careers?”
Nova looked anxious at the thought. It was River who waved a dismissive hand. “If Ludo can get caught fucking a puck bunny in public at least once every season, they can deal with this.”
Silence was loud in the room. I didn’t know about anyone else, but it was because my mind was whirling.
Just like in business, I thought shit through, weighing up the risks and the benefits. There was a chance that Nova would come between us. We were rock solid, especially River and I, but love made men crazy. There was a chance she wouldn’t want me at the end. The thought literally made my stomach curdle. There was a chance we would take a financial hit if the announcement of our relationship went badly. I was less worried about that.
The guys could lose their positions in the IceCaps, but they were too good not to be picked up somewhere else. Though not necessarily together. Alternately, they could be transferred during the draft, and how would the relationship they were suggesting work if we were in different states?
Worst of all, if we fucked it all up, Nova would take Huey and leave for good. We’d lose them both.
What were the benefits? Nova naked beneath me was an obvious one. We’d be a family, a proper one, and that held more sway with me than I’d thought it would. As much as it burned to think, Rigby was right too; the chances of me having a successful relationship as is were slim to none. I was too cold. Too abrasive. Too scared. I could probably fake my way through it for a while, but what examples did I have for a healthy, successful relationship?
