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I didn’t begrudge her the surprise. I was still kind of shocked I’d so easily agreed. That I’d followed my gut—okay, maybe it was my dick—instead of my head. But if there were more moments like this, then I knew I’d made the right choice, because Nova was something else.
“Rigby made some good points, and I’m not going to lie to you, Nova. I’ve wanted you since Tucson.” I leaned in closer. “I’ve come more times than I can count to the mental image of you on your knees in front of me.”
She gasped, and I worried briefly that I’d gone too far. After all, we’d only made surface level conversation, the type you made on a first or second date. I wasn’t going to lie to her, though; the fact I was sexually attracted to her played a role in agreeing to Rigby’s insane plan.
When I couldn’t sleep last night, I’d done what I did best. I’d researched.Typing “polyamory” into a Google search without the smart filter was not recommended. Not that I didn’t watch a few of those clips for “research.” But it wasn’t porn that I needed. It was advice.
Nearly every blog post, magazine article, and forum thread that I’d seen all listed open communication as the most necessary ingredient in a poly relationship. I’d never entered anything without the view of succeeding, and this relationship, if it happened, wasn’t going to be any different. It was how I dominated in business, and it would be how I dominated at this.
I sucked down the rest of my soda. “I don’t know how much River has told you about our early lives, but Rigby wasn’t wrong when he said it forever altered us. I don’t even know who I would be if I’d grown up with two loving parents in middle class suburbia.” I shook my head. No point wondering what if now. “Needless to say, my childhood was rough. You should know that now. Both River and I see a therapist for the shit that happened, both before we met and in the foster care system. We’re… damaged.”
I didn’t look at Nova then, couldn’t stand the pity I knew would be in her eyes.
“Want to talk about it? I’ll show you my damage if you show me yours?”
That made me look up, and I was mildly surprised that there was no sympathy in her expression. I hated pity more than anything. I was a billionaire; I didn’t need anyone's pity.
“Maybe later.” My voice sounded rough. “When Alana went off to college in Tucson, and River got drafted by the NHL, I found myself alone for the first time in so long. I hated it. Being inside my head was not a healthy place to be. I was working in the mailroom at an investment firm in Saint Paul, and I met a woman. A sweet girl from the admin pool, who filled that gap in my life left by River and Alana moving on with theirs.”
Fuck, no one said this communication business would be so uncomfortable.
“We started a relationship, of sorts, and it got pretty hot and heavy over six months. But we both knew that if River or Alana had called, I would have dropped her immediately to go and help them. She knew she was third, or maybe fourth on my list of priorities. I kept her at arm's length, so when I found her in the supply closet with one of the junior accountants, I wasn’t really surprised. I didn’t really feel anything.” He’d been plowing her over a box of toilet paper, which had amused me at the time. “She cried and begged and said it was a mistake, and when that didn’t work, she accused me of being a sociopath. Completely shut down, unable to love, no grasp on my emotions. Maybe she was right—”
“Shewasn’tright. You love River and Rigby. You loved Alana. You love Huey. You care about them and their happiness. You aren’t a sociopath.”
I knew that. My therapist had done all the testing. She’d confirmed what I knew already; I was a damaged kid who turned into a fucked up adult, but I wasn’t unfeeling. I’d shut down my emotions so I didn’t end up like my father. Feeling nothing was better than hurting the people around me.
I shrugged. “It didn’t really matter what she said. She was angry and hurt. I quit my job and moved in with River. We work better together, we always have. His protective instincts helped smooth my distant personality, and my cool head kept him from blowing his career in a barroom brawl. Rigby eventually wormed his way into my affections, because it’s impossible not to love that fucker.”
Nova threw back her head and laughed. “He’s certainly something.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. Anyway, he brought the emotions, and he healed more than a therapist could. He gave us unconditional love. That floppy-haired bastard is a gift we don’t deserve.”
I’d told his mom that when I met her. She’d adopted us much the same way her son had. I wasn’t looking forward to the day we had to tell her we were all fucking the same girl.
Nova was silent, her eyes distant, digesting my horror story of a life. If only she knew…
“So you’ve never done this before? You know, shared a girl?”
“In bed? Yes, we have. Well, River and I have. Is that what you meant, Nova? Are you wondering what it would be like to be pressed between Rigby and River and me?”
She sucked in a breath so deep, it whistled between her lips. “Yes,” she whispered, and I groaned.
Fuck.I had plans to take this slow. But slow wasn’t going to be possible.
I changed the subject to something mundane so I didn’t have to drive home with a hard-on, but it didn’t work. By the time we stepped through the front door of the house, my dick was a bar in my tailored suit pants.
Huey was sound asleep for his afternoon nap, and I was trying not to think of all the ways I could debauch Nova in the forty minutes before he’d wake.
Slow. I needed to go slow.
I looked at my watch. I should’ve been back at work. I had a video call with a construction company at four. Actually, maybe I’d call Tom and get him to push it back an hour. I’d be home late from work, but I wasn’t ready for the afternoon to be over. Besides, Tom would make the calls, because what was the point of a PA if they didn’t handle the tedious conversations for you?
Tom answered on the first ring. “Mayson and Cooper. This is Tom.”
“Hey, it’s me. Can you please—” Whatever words I was going to say cut off as Nova came back downstairs. She had undone the top four buttons of her sundress, and soft blue lingerie peeked out from the edges.
“Sir?” Tom’s voice called from the other end of the phone.
