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“Did he tell you about…” I couldn’t work out how to ask this woman if Rigby told her about his polyamory proposal.
She grinned. “About the unconventional relationship you found yourselves in? Of course. That boy can’t keep a secret from me. He’s an open book, always has been. I used to worry that some girl would come along and take advantage of that. Destroy the sweetness in him. I was glad when he found River, and then Devan—they temper his openness. They wouldn’t let him get hurt, and he trusts them. They trust him too, I think. They make quite a good team, so I wasn’t too surprised when he told me that the three of them were dating the one woman. You.” She shook her head. “Nasty business with the press, though.”
I nodded slowly. There was nothing more to say about that. Huey finished his bottle, and I placed him over my shoulder, burping him softly until he fell asleep. Lorraine seemed content to just watch me as I put him down in the crib I’d borrowed from the Vanmussens and moved back into the room.
“So are you?” Lorraine asked softly.
“Am I what?”
“Okay?”
I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. Then I burst into tears. Lorraine bundled me into her arms and held me as I gave up on holding myself together. I let myself feel every ounce of hurt and pain, let myself grieve for my own parents who I couldn’t turn to anymore when things got tough. I hadn’t really grieved them yet, not properly. At first, I’d been numb. And then I had Huey. And I couldn’t let myself feel sadness for my father—the man who’d loved me unconditionally for as long as I could remember—when I was in deep with the men who hated him.
So I cried on the shoulder of this stranger, letting her comfort wash over me. She held me and told me that eventually, everything would feel right in the world again. That I would be the most brilliant mother, and I’d have a wonderful partner who would make sure I was never alone. She said all the things you’d want a mother to say, and not once did she mention any future with Rigby. She didn’t put any pressure on me, the woman who’d broken her son’s heart, to get back together with him.
Instead, she told me that only I knew what was best for me. Rocking me softly, she let me sob my little heart out until her shoulder was soaked with my tears. “Did you love them, sweet girl?”
I nodded. I wouldn’t hurt like this if I hadn’t loved them. It was ridiculous, and problematic, but my heart didn’t care. “I refuse to make them choose between the careers they love and me.”
Lorraine pulled back a little, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “But would you make them choose? Would you go back with the ultimatum that theyhadto choose between you and hockey?”
I frowned. “Of course not.”
“Then you aren’t the one making their life difficult, Nova Stone. You aren’t the one making them choose between love and their careers. That’s on Monderra and the NHL. That’s on those shitty human beings who masquerade as reporters. You just have to decide if loving them is worth the scrutiny and the ill feelings you’ll inevitably get from the world. You have to decide if you’re strong enough to stand beside them and tell the world to go to Hell if they don’t like it. You don’t have to sacrifice your happiness for theirs, because in the end, no one is happy at all.”
She stood, kissing the top of my head. “Whatever you choose, whether you’re with my son or not, you’re always welcome with me and Larry. Come and visit with Huey. We mothers have to stick together.” I gave her another watery smile. “And just know, if you do decide that being with them is worth the hardships and the hurdles, we’ll stand right behind you, supporting the four of you.”
She squeezed my shoulder and left, leaving me reeling and confused all over again.
ChapterForty
RIGBY
The first game back,I played like I had something to prove. But now, we were playing five away games in a row and I was just fucking tired. I went out with the guys after our third win in a row, and drank one beer while River got hammered. He’d been doing that a lot recently. Getting wasted after every game, until I had to drag his ass back to the hotel. He’d almost gotten in a fight in Chicago at some dive bar when someone had a go about Nova. He was volatile, and honestly, I was worried about him.
As Ludo and I struggled under his weight, getting him into the elevator back up to our rooms after the game with San Jose, I knew this shit had to stop.
Ludo grunted as River tipped to the side. “Fuck, this guy is heavy. How the hell does he push himself around the ice without a pack of goddamn sled dogs?”
I huffed a laugh. “Quads of steel?” Fishing our room key out of my pocket, I opened the door, thankful that we were only three rooms down from the elevator.
Ludo was still grumbling under his breath. “Needs to lay off the fucking protein.”
We shuffled River inside and let him fall face first onto the bed. Better this way if he puked in his sleep. Ludo and I stared down at him, this man who’d seemed so in control, so stoic for all the years I’d known him, but was now crumbling like an ancient fortress in front of my eyes.
Shaking his head, Ludo turned to stare at me. “I’m worried about him. So is Muss.”
I nodded, because Muss had told me. So had Coach Toons. Like I had any control over the big fucker and his locked-down feelings.
“Me too.”
Ludo cocked his head at me. “Just so you know, the team is behind you. Me and Muss, we’ll go to bat for you if the team is the only reason you’re… you know, not pursuing things with your girl. They shouldn’t get that kind of say in our personal lives.”
I really looked at Ludo, the fun-loving manwhore I’d consider a friend. “I appreciate it, man. But it's not that easy. They aren’t obligated to keep us, any more than they’re obligated to keep you. The only person who they wouldn’t break a contract with is Muss, and that’s only because there’d be a fucking riot among the fans.”
Shaking his head, Ludo huffed. “Itisthat easy. You love her, right?”
“Yeah, of course.”
