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“I need Vera to stay here tonight,” my grandma said abruptly as my mom stood to clear the table. “I’ve got some things in the attic I need her to help me with.”
“You know we have church tomorrow,” my dad replied, frowning.
“Of course I know that,” she said. “I’m there every Sunday, aren’t I? You’re taking her away for months, the least you could do is let her spend some time with me before you go.”
I held my breath as my dad thought it over. Grandma had no idea how much of a favor she was doing me. I needed to get to the house next door.
“That’s fine,” my dad said finally. He stood from the table without another word and walked into the living room to sit on the couch while the rest of us cleaned up. I’d never seen my dad lift a hand inside the house. He was meticulous when it came to his appearance and I’d never seen his dirty laundry outside the hamper in my parents’ room, but anything else was my mom’s responsibility to clean. I’d never even seen him throw away a candy wrapper.
“What’s in the attic?” I asked my grandma as we stood at the sink. My mom always washed, I rinsed, and grandma dried and put away the dishes. We were creatures of habit in my family.
“I’ve got some old picture albums I’d like to find,” she said, grinning. “And there could be some things up there you might want.”
“Like what?” I couldn’t imagine anything in the dusty old attic I’d be interested in, but I had to admit I was intrigued.
“Things for your hope chest, perhaps?” Gran replied. “I know I’ve got an old lamp that your grandpa got for our wedding that I think you’ll like. It’s a real simple design so you could put any type of shade you wanted on it.”
“Oh, that sounds lovely, Nadine,” my mom said, glancing at me with a smile. “It won’t be too long before Vera’s setting up her own house.”
It could be even sooner than you’re imagining, mom, I thought, my stomach twisting with guilt.
As soon as the dishes were clean and the kitchen set back to rights, my parents left. My dad was still in a mood, and once again I was thankful that my gran had asked me to stay. Things wouldn’t be pleasant when they got home, I could tell just by watching my dad’s body language.
“You can stay right here with me,” Gran said, wrapping her arm around my waist as we waved from behind the screen door. “I riled him, but he’ll calm down before you get home.”
I glanced at her in surprise. Maybe Gran saw more than I gave her credit for. “But she’s going with him,” I murmured, the familiar anxiety hitting me hard as I watched my mom smile at me through her window.
“Your mother can handle herself,” Gran said, giving me a squeeze. “And she chose the life she’s living. You didn’t.” She closed the door as my parents drove off down the street.
* * *
“Gran, these dresses are incredible,” I said later that afternoon. The attic turned out to be a treasure trove of Gran’s old clothes, keepsakes, and household goods. I had a feeling that she had a hard time getting rid of anything and once she decided that she couldn’t use something she just packed it away instead of giving it away or selling it.
“They’ll probably fit you,” she said from behind a stack of boxes. “I was about your size before I had your father. Never got back to that size, though, and even if I had, everything had shifted!” She laughed.
I felt the blood drain from my face and I reached out to steady myself on the edge of an old wooden chair as I stared down at my chest. Thankfully, Gran was still hidden by some boxes, because my reaction to her words wasn’t subtle. One look at me and she’d know something was wrong.
I told myself that I might be wrong, that maybe my period was late because I was sick or miscalculating, or some other reason. Even an incurable disease would be better than a baby. But I knew in my gut that none of those things were true.
I’d been sneaking out most of the summer with my Gran’s next door neighbor’s son and just like every other time in my life when I stepped out of line, I was going to be found out.
* * *
Hours later after Gran had gone to bed and the house was quiet, I crept out of the spare bedroom window for the last time. Of course, I had no idea that it was the last time when it was happening. It wasn’t until later that I’d think back to that moment and wish that I’d stayed safely inside.
