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I never should have done what I did. Desperation reeks, but a lonely heart stinks even more. Hannah is right, after all. Of course she’s right. I’m no different to anyone else who’s ever loved her – a controlling, manipulative asshole who’s too fucking insecure and vulnerable to win her heart fairly.
I trudge up the steps of the freshly laid porch, the new scent of fresh timber feels like I’m opening a fresh wound even further. My throat is tight as I step inside and crouch down, collecting the larger pieces of smashed ceramic on the floor. I toss them in the trash and stumble across to the sofa where I finally allow myself to crash and fall.
The weight of my body is caught by the cushions. The cabin shakes as much as my chest chokes through the tears as I sob uncontrollably. Heartbroken. Overwhelmed. Yes, I fucking deserve everything, but dammit, Hannah was everything to me and I’ve fucked it up.
I can’t shake the feeling of hopelessness as I sit upright, the back of my hand swiping across my eyes. She’s out there all alone, the deep, dark wilderness of the mountain.
I push off the sofa, finding the scattered cutlery and placing it in the sink. I pace around the cabin, sniffing back emotion with deep, painful snorts. My lungs fill with her lingering scent, and although she’s gone, weirdly, she’s still here.
“Fuck, Hannah…” I step into the sink, doing my best not to look out the window. I can’t. I just can’t. “Hannah… Hannah…”
My hand slips from the tap when I try to twist the water on and the weight of my heavy arm forces me to collapse to the floor. I scrunch in a heap, my arms gathered around my ankles as I weep loudly with a choked wail.
Some big tough guy I am.
I’m supposed to be a rugged mountain man. A big, burly bear that has no emotion, no heart, nosoul.
But it’s her.
It’s Hannah.
I force the devastation bursting in my chest to halt, even just for a moment. I suck in some deep breaths, staring across the room. This cabin is my home, a world I’ve created for myself. A life of my own – far, far away from the disappointed looks of the people I once loved.
I’ve worked hard to build a life that doesn’t rely on anyone other than myself.
Hannah changed everything. She changed my life before I moved up here, and now she’s laid her claim on me up here in the mountain, there’s no way I can continue on without her.
When she’s here, this cabin is a home.
A home worth fighting for.
I launch to my feet, moving quickly towards the kitchen. The burning in my eyes stings as I try to pick some food to shove in my pockets. The lines of tins all look the same, the scribbly writing somehow just a blur as my head races.
“Fuck it,” I growl, waving a hand. “She can’t have gone far.”
I storm towards the door, unhooking a coat and quickly forcing my way down the steps. The grass is wet, I didn’t notice that before when I was chasing after Hannah.
Don’t follow me. Don’t follow me.
Her words ring in my head as I open the gate, but I can’t just let her go.
There is a slight heat in the sun as it rises from behind the majestic peaks. A fiery orange glow basks across the soft, grassy pasture, but it quickly changes to rough, rocky terrain as I reach the edge of my property and open the gate.
A symphony of birds singing is a tell-tale sign of the day that lies ahead – a storm is brewing. I scrunch a hand through my hair, glancing up at the sky as I walk off my property for the first time in years.
Gray clouds threaten to roll across the vivid blue sky, a gentle howl of the wind eery in the silence of the approaching danger. Wildflowers line the road, bright and colorful oranges and yellows popping in the corner’s of my eyes as I focus on the footsteps in the dirt.
My boots grip the slippery terrain around the first bend and I wonder just how much time I’ve lost. Hannah was furious, but I know that emotion would only carry her legs so far. I continue following the road, my heart pounding every time I see the thick imprint of the soul of her shoes.
As I move, the air cools and the imprints become lighter.
And lighter.
It creeps towards the edge of the road and then, it disappears into the woods.
Fuck.
A skip meets my step as I venture off the road, a sudden sense of panic and anxiousness creeping in. I thought I would have found her by now. After half an hour of walking, with the sky darkening with every lonely step I take, fear creeps in just as I reach the bank of the river that flows down the mountain.
