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The drive feels particularly empty and unenjoyable today. It begins to rain, and I feel a visceral recoil to it. Everything is bothering me to the point that I can’t feel comfortable in my own body. How could I let a woman have that kind of affect on me? I was weak for letting her in too soon, and now I have to move on and pretend that it doesn’t affect me. I’ll continue to act stoic and unaffected by it, but inside, I feel unresolved and angry.
I’ve tied up my loose ends with her. She can enjoy being single and pregnant, getting ignored by the guy who put the baby in her to begin with. I might be going to prison, but at least I’ll know that nobody on the outside is waiting for me.
I want to feel sad for her, maybe to retain some of my humanity that has been lost to the unrelenting meat grinder of time. I’ve seen far too much shit in my life to not hold her responsible for getting pregnant. We were both in the heat of the moment, sure, but I assumed she was on birth control if she was going to let me rail her without a condom.
When I get back to my mansion, Leonardo’s car is parked in the driveway. I knew he was stopping over, but he’s here a lot earlier than I thought he would be, and I’m still seething over my fight with Iris. I’d hate for him to see me this way, but I might need to vent to him a little. He seems to understand.
I enter the foyer, and I see him walking toward me with a cup of coffee.
“Hey, sorry I didn’t give you a heads-up. I needed to go over some numbers from the inventory. They’re slightly off, and I need to see how much of an issue it is,” he says.
I sigh heavily. “You mean that the product that we just got shipped in doesn’t weigh what it needs to?”
He looks uncomfortable now, trying to find the best way to break the news to me without agitating my already terrible mood.
“Yeah, but I’m not positive that it’s the result of stealing. It might just be an error in the books. Don’t freak out yet,” he replies.
He already knows that I’m ready to lose my shit, and I can see him calculating whether or not he has the mental bandwidth to deal with me right now.
“Is something bothering you?”
I glance over to the window by the front door, remembering how I looked out at Iris as she was taken away in an Uber. The memory is more painful than I want it to be, and I feel pathetic for even feeling this way to begin with.
“Things with Iris are over.”
His cautious eyes are amplified by his inability to talk me through this in a productive way. He wants to help, I can see that, but he had already spent all of his therapist energy when we had our first conversation about her.
He takes a sip of his coffee, hoping to diffuse some of the tension by thinking of something profound to say.
He doesn’t find it.
“Damn, uh, how did that happen?”
“When I showed up, she was pregnant. We only had sex once before today, and I’m under the impression that she fucked a bunch of guys after she left,” I reply, already growing angry again as I retell the story.
“Oh shit man, I’m sorry. What are you going to do now? Want to go get fucked up and bang some strippers?” he asks, arriving at the conclusion that I want to waste my night on overpriced booze and disinterested girls.
“No, I have a better idea,” I say as I begin walking to my office.
He follows me, despite the fact that I know he’s working in the living room. That’s where he always works.
“What’s the idea?”
“I’m going to kill Vitale. I’ve had enough of trying to get him caught and imprisoned, and I’m already on trial for murder, so I might as well make the best of it and kill someone,” I reply with an unhinged smile.
It takes him a moment to reply, and the caution in his eyes becomes grave concern.
“Matteo, we don’t even know where he is right now. You have tons of bullshit that you need to sort out before you start going on vigilante killing sprees. You might have the chance to stay out of prison if Raphael can get you a plea deal or something.”
I roll my eyes at him, making sure that he can see. “Yeah, let’s see how well that works out when the public finds out that Shimmer was a former Mormon. They’re going to tear me to shreds for defiling such an innocent soul or some shit. I’m fucked.”
I can tell that he wants to take me by the shoulders and shake me, but he knows better than to put his hands on me. Things would end very badly if he chose to express his dissent with violence.
“I just really,reallythink that you need to think with the rest of your brain and not just the part that’s always on fire for vengeance. It’s going to kill you before you kill anyone else. I know it,” he replies, sipping his coffee. “You really are a hothead. It’s bad for your heart.”
“Fuck my heart! Vitale has killed and trafficked countless women at this point. He’s irredeemable, a subhuman. He needs to be exterminated as soon as possible,” I shout back, my voice echoing up to the vaulted ceiling.
Leonardo is at war with himself on whether he wants to support me or turn his back on this mission. He wants to do the right thing, but he’s split down the middle of which action is worse than the other.
