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I smiled sadly. “Me too. The cyclist has me spooked. That and Billy finding out about us.”
“Yeah.” Derek caressed the baby lovingly. “I’ve been wondering if I’m doing the right thing. I keep going back and forth on it. Would it really be so bad for one of the foster families to take him? Maybe it would be better than risking my job.”
The baby shifted as Derek sighed. “But then I pick Anthony up and bring him out here. And while he’s sleeping on my chest, I know I can’t turn him over to anyone who won’t give him one hundred percent of their love and attention. There are alotof great foster families out there, but the only ones available right now are sub-par. I can’t allow him to go to a foster family that is just doing it to collect extra money.”
I reached out and put my hand over his on top of the baby. “You’re a good man, Derek.”
“I’m just a man doing what he knows is right. There’s no good or bad about that.”
There was something deeper in his comment. A hint of vulnerability. I reached for it while it was available.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked. “The real reason. Why are you so emphatic about making sure the baby goes to a good foster family?”
I expected him to put up some sort of wall. To insist there was no deeper motivation. Instead, he answered bluntly.
“Because three decades ago, I was in his position.” He nodded down at the baby. “I was orphaned when I was four. And I was put into an overloaded foster care system. It was awful.”
Icy fingers tightened around my heart. “Oh, Derek…”
“Don’t get me wrong—there are alotof amazing foster families out there,” he said. His voice was wooden and emotionless, presumably from years of practice talking about his pained past. “But the family I was sent to? They weren’t one of them. They were doing it for the money. There was no love, no support, no caring environment at all. The father hated us, and never said more than two words to me. The mother was, at best, neutral toward us. There were five of us in that home. We pretty much raised each other.” He smiled. “We survived, though. And the experience is the reason my sister—foster sister, technically—went to work for the California Department of Social Services. To make a better place for kids just like us.”
I put a hand on his arm. “Derek. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“Yeah, me too. But it made me the man I am today. And it’s the reason I’m willing to risk my job to protect this little guy.” His weathered face smiled over at me. “This whole thing is much easier with you here. Thanks for helping us.”
“Youarepaying me,” I reminded him.
He gave me a long, knowing look. It made me shiver, but not in a bad way. His gaze felt like a caress against my bare skin.
“You’re not doing it for the money,” he said simply. “You’re doing it because you want to help.”
I cringed. “You should know that I originally wanted to help for the wrong reasons. When I agreed, I only did so because I wanted to stay close to Jordan.”
One of Derek’s dark eyebrows rose. “Really?”
I nodded and plowed on with my confession. “It’s true. I was only doing it for selfish reasons. And because I thought the baby was a sign.”
“A sign?”
“His name is the same as my father’s,” I said. “It sounds stupid now, I know. Anthony is a common name. But a lot has changed in the past week. This little guy? I care about himso much. I feel like so much more than just a babysitter. I feel like a parent, putting his own needs above my own without a second thought. I would do anything for him.”
Derek nodded. “I feel the same way.” He gently put the baby down in his bassinet. “And you’re right. A lot has changed in the last week. You’re seeing both JordanandTaylor, now.”
I waited for him to say more, but he only focused on Anthony’s blankets in the bassinet, tucking him in with care. Why was he bringing it up now? It almost felt like he was judging me for it.
Does he like me, or not?
I was sick of beating around the bush. One day Derek would treat me with respect, and other days he seemed to want nothing to do with me. I was too tired, too exhausted and stressed out, to deal with this. I needed answers.
“Hey,” I said, touching his arm to get his attention. “Do you really like me, or not?”
He grunted. “What do you mean?”
“Jordan said you and Taylor wanted to share me,” I said. “But when I showed up to help, you were upset at Jordan for inviting me. Then you yelled at me about the stupid oven. Sometimes I catch you looking at me when you think I’m not paying attention, and then other times you give me the cold shoulder. Well?”
“I like you, Clara,” he said bluntly.
I snorted out my nose. “Then what’s the problem? You haven’t made a move or shown me any outright affection since I got here.”
