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8
Amber
I fled from the big office, then picked a direction at random. I hurried along the San Francisco streets for several minutes until I felt like I was a safe distance away. By then, the tears were rolling down my cheeks.
I was angry at everything and everyone. Owen, for all the obvious reasons. Jude, for lying to me about his affiliation with Owen, and for not stopping his partner from kicking us out. Melinda, for being peppy and friendly and welcoming.
And above all, I was angry at myself. For crying. For not holding back my anger during the interview. And for letting myself get my hopes up. I should have learned a long time ago thathopewas always a road to disappointment.
“What are you looking at?” I snapped at a man who looked like he was about to ask if I was okay. He scrambled away in a hurry.
There I go again, I thought bitterly.Pushing away people who only wanted to help me.
I wiped away my tears and collected myself. I didn’t have any room for that. I had to be an adult, both for myselfandMichelle.
I checked my phone. While it was on Do Not Disturb during the interview, I had gotten a text from her.
Shelly: We checked out of the hotel and grabbed your stuff. Don’t be mad, but Phil paid for the rooms. He insisted. You know how he is. Also: GOOD LUCK TODAY! Crush that shit, big sis! If you don’t act like the badass you are, then I’m going to beat you with a frying pan until you’re covered in blue bruises.
Shelly: Hugs and kisses!
The text made me smile in spite of everything. Also, the fact that I didn’t need to go back to the hotel was nice. I just wanted to go home and change into sweatpants as quickly as possible.
I walked to the King Street station and hopped on the next CalTrain down to San Mateo. That gave me half an hour to browse Reddit on my phone to kill time and forget all about the shitty interview. I got off at the Hayward Park stop and started walking. Normally, the one-point-two mile walk was an easy trip, but today I was wearing these damn heels. It always struck me as bullshit that men got to wear comfortable slacks and shoes while women had to walk around with medieval torture devices strapped to their feet.
My feet ached horribly by the time I reached the condo where Michelle and I lived. It was three stories tall and backed up to the bay, and even though it was attached to five other condos, it was one of the end units, so we only shared a wall with one neighbor.
It cost way more than I ever thought I would be able to afford, and it had almost doubled in value since I bought it five years ago. Yet despite that, the purchase filled me with an intense sense of regret.
If I hadn’t bought this damn place…
I shook off the thought as I strode up the walkway. The neighbor three doors down, Mr. Jackson, was tending his garden. He looked up and waved at me, and I waved back. All the neighbors were friendly, but every one of them was retired. Sometimes I noticed a sense of curiosity in their greetings. They were probably wondering how two girls in their twenties could afford this place without any parents around.
There were two cars in our driveway, I saw. Michelle’s and Phil’s. I groaned at the thought of having to entertain him some more. On the way inside, I grabbed the mail out of the mailbox. One of the letters was from the San Mateo County Tax Collector’s Office, with “PAST DUE” stamped in big red letters.
Glad I got the mail before Michelle, I thought as I walked inside.
Phil and Michelle were in the living room watching TV. Phil was occupied by something on his phone, but my sister whipped her head around in surprise.
“Amber? Why are you home so early?”
As I kicked off my heels with extreme prejudice, a list formed in my head.
Reasons to Tell Michelle the Truth:
1. We told each other everything.
2. She would still love and support me.
3. It would probably be good for me to tell her and let my emotions out, rather than bottling it up.
Reasons NOT to Tell Michelle the Truth:
1. I didn’t want anyone else to know how I was a massive failure.
“We weren’t actually working today,” I said, the lie coming easily. “It was just a bunch of paperwork I had to sign in person, plus some orientation videos which I can do at home. My firstrealday is on Monday.”
“I’m so proud of you!” Michelle came up and wrapped me in a tight hug. “Seriously, sis. I’m so proud of you I could punch you in the face right now.”
