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I blinked. Nobody called it by the full name,Ruby on Rails. Nobody who knew what they were doing, at least.
“Why do you prefer it over Padrino?” I asked carefully.
“I like that it’s Linux-based,” he replied immediately. “And the Model-View-Controller architecture reallyspeaksto me.”
My spider sense was tingling, now. This guy sounded like he was just reciting the Wikipedia entry rather than speaking from a legitimate perspective of knowledge.
I continued asking pointed questions about Ruby, then switched to his experience with Javascript. His answers remained vague and non-specific. All of his jobs were with companies overseas, I saw, and I suspected none of them were real. At some point, Melinda looked sideways at me curiously. She was picking up what I was putting down.
Finally, after enough posturing, I crossed my arms under my chest and sighed. “You don’t know shit, do you?”
Sanjay’s perfect smile slipped. Only for a moment, but long enough for me to see. “Excuse me?”
“Your Javascript knowledge is surface-level. You can’t list any of the primary Pearl subroutines. If I asked you to write me a simpleHello Worldfunction, I doubt you could do it without visiting the Stack Overflow forums.”
“You were more knowledgeable on the phone interview,” Melinda said. “Did you have someone coaching you?”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about…” he stammered.
I swiveled my laptop around to face him. “Write me a basic FOR loop.”
He looked at my laptop like it was a poisonous spider. “What… what language?”
“Any language,” I replied dryly.
Sanjay knew he was caught in the trap, and hastily gathered his phone. “I think this is a mistake…”
“Yeah, it was a mistake coming in here and trying to fool people who aregoodat their job,” I shouted as he fled from the conference room. “Try the Cisco building down the street! They’ll hire anyone!”
Melinda laughed for a moment, then grimaced. “I am usually very good at sniffing them outlongbefore the in-person interview. I am sorry for wasting your time.”
“Are you kidding? That was more fun than playing with a litter of puppies. I hope the next interview is just as unprepared!”
The next interview ended up being a small woman in her forties. She had eight years of experience working for Facebook and was ready for a change. To my dissatisfaction, she wasn’t lying about her experience. But that just meant sheactuallyknew her shit, and after twenty minutes we said goodbye to her with a flurry of smiles.
“She’s going in thehirepile,” Melinda said. “Next is Dave Lunan…”
The next two candidates were more knowledgeable than Sanjay, but didn’t have very much experience. They were green around the edges, but talented. Raw and moldable.
The fourth interview, Barry, had the best resume of the group, but he arrived looking like he had just rolled out of bed: sweatpants, a dirty T-shirt, and flip-flops. It was like he was trying to cosplay as Owen, but wasn’t pulling it off.
He shook our hands with an air of importance that rankled me. Likewewere the ones lucky enough to be interviewinghim. He settled into the chair across from us and tilted it back on two legs.
“Let’s begin with your experience,” Melinda said. “You have been at Symantec for the pastnineyears?”
Barry nodded, but didn’t elaborate further.
“What makes you want to change jobs?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I dunno, Mel. I guess I’m just bored.”
“Mel?” She chuckled, but there was a dangerous edge to her tone. “I’m not your favorite stripper. I’m the Senior Coordinator for this company.”
Barry smirked. “Yeah, but that’s like, just a politically-correct term forreceptionist. Right?” He shook his head at me. “Everything’s masked in dumb terms these days. Just say what you are, am I right?”
“Oh, you’re very right,” I said with a sickly-sweet smile. “More people should just say what they mean without sugar-coating it.”
“Totally.”
