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“Hey,” I said, wandering deeper into his office. “If you’re leaving in ten, want to get a beer?”
Jude blinked at me in surprise. “Oh. A beer…”
“Or any drink, really,” I added. “Wine. Mixed drink. You can order another Roy Rogers if you don’t feel like alcohol. But I want a drink, and it’d be nicer to share one with you rather than being by myself.”
I saw a flicker of life in his crystal-blue eyes. Something came alive at my suggestion, rising up out of the depths of his quiet, reserved exterior. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to get a drink with me. Maybe he wanted to do even more.
But then he shook his head. “That’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?” I asked. “We had a thing at the bar the other night. A spark. I know you felt it too.”
He stood up as if he might flee. “I was just being polite.”
“No you weren’t,” I insisted, walking closer with every second. The frustration I felt at Owen spilled over into the words I spoke to Jude. “You were flirting. I know, because I was flirting too. At first I was just appeasing my sister who wanted me to meet someone on her birthday, but then I actuallylikedtalking to you! Admit it.”
By the time I was done, I was leaning on his desk with both hands, staring him down. Daring him to argue with me. I had spent the day planning, coding, and then interviewing candidates to work for me, and the experience had left me feeling powerful.
Jude looked like he might argue with me. Surprise flashed behind his spectacles. He tightened his jaw, which made the freckles on his cheeks dance. But he didn’t argue with me.
Instead, hekissedme.
I flinched as he crushed his lips against mine, but the surprise wore off quickly. I could feel how hungry he was for me in the way his lips churned, in the way his hand went to my cheek to hold me against him as if he never wanted me to leave, and my fingers reached out and clung to his bare forearms where the sleeves were rolled up, savoring the warm skin. My body came alive at his electric touch, a buoyancy rising inside of me until I thought I might lift off the ground and float away.
As quickly as he had begun the kiss, he yanked himself away. His chest heaved underneath his dress shirt as he regarded me. I fought to catch my breath, and my heartbeat pounded in my ears.
“So you won’t get a drink with me,” I said, “but you’ll kiss me over your desk?”
I saw the flare of passion in his eyes recede, going back down into the depths where it had hidden before. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. It was a mistake.”
“That wasn’t the point I was trying to make,” I said.
“I have to go.” He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I have to…” His eyes searched me for something, anything, to say. “I just have to go.”
I watched as Jude shoved past me and fled from the building.
16
Amber
I had a way of bottling things up, especially things I didn’t want to deal with. It was true whether that thing was something good, like a big new job working for a promising startup, or something bad.
The kiss happened to be both.
I gathered my own belongings out of the office—taking my time so that I wouldn’t look like I was running after Jude—and then left. I numbly walked to the CalTrain station and waited for the 514 Southbound train. I got on and found a seat in the back where I could sit alone.
I opened my work laptop and connected to the VPN. As soon as I opened up the code repository, I saw that there was one open file currently being edited. The code that Jude had left up on his screen. He didn’t finish it or close it out before leaving.
To give myself something to do on the train, and to distract myself from thinking aboutkiss-related things, I hastily finished the work he was doing. Then I closed the code out and disconnected from the VPN.
After that, I didn’t have any more distractions. The kiss replayed itself in my head again, and again, andagain.
I had kissed my boss.
And after, he practically sprinted out of the room.
Suddenly, blowing up my chances at ACS sounded like a good plan. Anything to avoid the crippling embarrassment I would feel the next time I saw Jude. The sudden urge to bail on my job was a compulsion that I had to reject; an intrusive thought forcing its way into my mind. It would be so easy to simply not show up for work tomorrow. It would be a way out.
Michelle was in the kitchen making Sunday supper when I got home. “I was just about to text you! Did you go into the office today?Again?”
