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“I’m afraid,” James whispers after a short while of silence. “I don’t want to lose you.”
I turn my head and frown at him. “What makes you think that’s going to happen? I’m pregnant with your child, James. I’m about to marry Kane. I’m—”
“Because he’ll always give you the freedom to walk away.”
I scoff. I can’t help it. “You know exactly what I sold when Kane offered me a deal. There was no freedom option. He was going to use me either way.”
James presses a kiss to the top of my shoulder, and I feel a pulse of…not hate, but something like it. It’s probably baby hormones, but it’s something else too. It’s the feeling of being offered a place here and then being viciously reminded I’ll never have what they do. I’ll always be some kind of outsider.
I want to think it’s just because I’m young and unseasoned, but at my age, Kane already had a body count. And nothing stopped him from bringing James and Ari into the fold long before they were carefully cultivated killers.
I suppose I’ll just never measure up.
My throat gets hot, and I feel tears burning in my eyes. It’s oddly humiliating, and I quickly turn my face away. “Can you just leave me alone, please?”
“Darling—”
“Please.” I’m not above begging at this point. I want to fall apart, and I want to do it without him seeing me that way and trying to somehow make it better. Because he can’t.
James sighs, but he doesn’t fight me this time. He slips away and pulls the covers around me before closing the curtains so only a sliver of light remains, and he closes the door on his way out. I listen for his footsteps, and when I’m sure I’m alone, I finally let myself turn toward my pillow and sob until my throat hurts and the pressure in my chest no longer feels like it’s trying to strangle me.
Cryingmyself to sleep has never felt good. Some people talk about how cathartic it is, but I always wake up groggy with a pressure headache and sore muscles like I’d just run for miles. For a moment, I think I’m alone in my room, and then I roll to the side and realize there’s a body beside me.
He’s large, so my mind thinks Phoenix at first, but then I see glittering eyes tracking my movements.
“Hello, gorgeous.” Kane’s voice is a low rumble, and I can’t get a read on his tone, but he doesn’t sound angry.
“If you’re here to punish me—”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Kane says, and that’s unexpected. I shift so I can prop up on my elbow, and my eyes adjust to the dark a bit more. I can see his profile, and God, he really is a beautiful man. “It was my mistake.”
“For keeping him here?”
“For not telling you what was happening.” He sits up and leans over to flick on the bedside lamp. It’s a very soft, yellow glow, so it doesn’t hurt my eyes. He looks more rumpled than usual, and I notice that he’s taken his leg off, which is a surprise because he almost never goes anywhere without it. His gaze flickers down toward the empty few inches of his trouser leg, then back up to me. “I know about Leo. I know he came to see you the night of our party. And I know what he said.”
I tense a bit and roll to sit up, shifting so I can brace myself against the headboard. Kane is a master of manipulation, so maybe his kind tone is to throw me off. I think I’ve gotten a little complacent because there’s no way in hell I should have believed Kane didn’t know everything.
“I was hoping to trap him. If the two of you thought I didn’t know he had a way to contact you, I thought he might get bold.”
I lick my lips. “He hasn’t tried since the night of the engagement party, when he asked me to leave with him.”
And that causes a reaction. It’s small—just a slight ticking of his jaw—but it’s there. “I wanted to gut him for that.” He leans over and curls a finger under my chin. “You’re mine, Alice, and he just strolled in like he fucking belonged there, and—” He cuts himself off, shaking his head and dropping his hand.
I reach for my trembling courage and admit the quiet words I haven’t even said aloud to myself. “I’m afraid he’s right. That I’m still just some fucking pawn. And hearing you say you were using me again…”
“I know.” His voice is rough and low. “I’m an asshole, and there are a lot of things that will happen over the years that you probably shouldn’t forgive me for. I don’t know how to love kindly.”
My heart skips a beat. “I don’t need it to be kind. I just need to know that I’m not some…somethingthat exists as a means to an end.”
“You are that. Or, you could be. You could be the thread that unravels the Romanos.” I open my mouth to say something—though I don’t know what—but he presses his finger to my lips. “You’re also more, Alice. You’re my future wife and the mother to our child. You’ve made me feel things no one else ever has.”
“Not even the boys?”
He laughs and shakes his head. “Every single one of you has awakened something different in me, and with you here, I finally feel whole.” He cups my jaw, and in spite of myself and all the things I swore I’d protect my heart from, I lean into him. “The man in the basement was one of my most trusted advisors. He fell in love with Leo, and together, they claim they’ve concocted a plan to overthrow both Guido and Marco.Leo swears he wants to dismantle the Romanos and relinquish all of his control.”
“You don’t believe him,” I say.
His thumb strokes my cheek, and my eyes slip closed. “I don’t believe it will come without a price, but I’m not sure I’m willing to pay it. I’d rather end them all and be done with it, but I’m concerned because Leo seems to have eyes on my family that he shouldn’t.”
