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It’s probably best they don’t know.
Her hand cups my cheek in a gesture too tender for me to handle, but it only lasts for a second. Her fingertips graze my jaw, then trail down my ruined throat, which I can’t feel at allover the thick bands of scar tissue. I suck in a breath and fight the urge to cough again, and the moment she steps away, I reach into my pocket for a smoke.
I don’t light it. I think about the baby now and how that actually matters, so I just clench it between my teeth and sate myself with the taste of the filter. I can see Alice watching me carefully, but she’s getting better at hiding her thoughts.
‘Do you want me to teach you something today?’
“Teach?” she clarifies, repeating the sign.
I nod, then gesture to the table. ‘Knives. Throwing knives.’
Her eyes get a little bright, and okay, that makes my dick plump up a little because goddamn, she’s fucking perfect. It reminds me of the night Phoenix crept into my room about a year after I’d moved into this place. At first, I thought maybe he just needed to take out his frustrations on someone.
Instead, he ran his fingers all over my body, then asked me to take him into the playroom. We crept through the halls, knowing Kane was probably watching the whole time. His feet were bare, tapping softly on the paved walkway, and the door slamming was just shy of too loud.
It was almost pitch-black, but I didn’t bother with the lights. I knew the space better than I knew my own body, so I just let him explore. I watched as the shadow of my new lover ran his hands over everything.
Eventually, he stopped on my carving knives and whispered, “The next time we have someone in here, I want you to show me how it’s done.”
I fucked him against the table that night, and two weeks later, I was able to grant his wish.
For Alice, there won’t be any blood, though I think about how pretty her skin would look splashed with red. And maybe we’ll have our moment like the one I shared with Phoenix, but for now, this is enough.
I pull out the lightest ones, then carefully position her in front of the wall. I don’t have any targets because I haven’t needed them in years, but the wall’s covered in nicks and gashes from when I get bored.
Once again, I wish I had a voice to whisper instructions against the back of her ear, but Alice is a clever, clever girl who follows the directions of my hands like they were spoken words. I lift her arm and show her the right way to balance the knife and how far to pull back.
I teach her to aim and show her the force I use, and while the first few tries glance off the drywall and clatter to the ground, it’s not long before she has it. The first time the knife sinks into the plaster, her grin is so bright I can’t help but crowd her up against the support beam and kiss her until she’s gasping.
“Maybe I can become an expert at this,” she murmurs.
I grin and nip her bottom lip before pulling away. ‘Again.’
She scowls but takes up her stance, and somehow, we waste an entire hour before her arm’s too sore to keep going. It doesn’t take much gesturing to get her to sink down against the wall and let me massage her, and I can’t help but bask in the look on her face.
She’s going to make such a sweet killer, once she accepts who she is and who she’s chosen to sell her soul to.
I kiss her fingers, and she sighs. “I haven’t told Kane yet, but I’ve made my choice, Ari.”
I wait for her to look at me before I lift a brow. ‘Us?’ I mouth.
Her smile gets a little smaller and a little softer. “I guess it really wasn’t much of a choice, was it? I mean, it’s pretty fucked-up that the best I’ve ever felt is with the men who kidnapped me and tormented me. One of whom is a true psychopath who will never love me.”
I lean in, nosing her cheek on one side, cupping the other so I can press a thumb to her mouth. I want to tell her I’ll love herthe best I can. That it’s not the same, but it’s important to me. I want to tell her that I’ll burn the world down for her. That I’d kill and be killed for her.
These are all promises I’ve made to every soul living under this roof, and they’re the only promises I’ll ever feel compelled to keep outside of making sure that Guido and Vanessa pay for what they did. I’ve never been religious, and the very idea of God is laughable, but those promises feel like a vow I’ve taken.
And someday, when she can understand my language better, I will.
For now, I just hope the way I hold her and silence her, and eventually kiss her and fuck her until she can’t stay awake, will help her understand what this is.
She sighs and purses her lips against my thumb, so I drop my hand. “I’m happy here. I don’t want things to change. I don’t think there’s anything outside of these walls that’ll feel better than this. So whatever Kane needs from me to take Guido down—even if that means taking Leo with him—I’m in.”
My heart thumps a little faster, and I want to run to Phoenix to tell him because the best place to get started is with the man who can find Leo Ricci. But Alice looks at me like she’s not ready to go yet, so I settle back down and return my attention to her.
The baby hormoneseventually take over, and Alice retreats for a nap. I walk her to her room and give her a filthy, lingering kiss before letting her go. I listen to the door click shut before heading down to Phoenix’s library, where I know he is. The curtains are drawn when I step in, so I can barely see, but there’s a faint glow on his desk, so I follow the light to where he’s sitting in his chair working.
“I’m not going to pretend like I wasn’t listening in,” he says. His voice is a little terse, which means he’s either arguing with James or Kane again, but I don’t really give two shits about their drama.
