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At some point,I’ve showered, eaten, and slept, but I don’t remember any of it. I wake in a tangle of limbs, three men and missing one, though I didn’t expect Ari to be with us. Whateverhe had to work through after getting his revenge on Vanessa, it was something he did alone.
I have a vague memory of Kane going to be with him for a while, and a vague memory of him crawling back into bed when he was finished.
Now, all three men are sleeping like the dead.
Sitting up, I managed to extract myself from Phoenix’s octopus arms, and I slip into the bathroom. I empty my bladder, then stare at myself in the mirror and try to see a killer in my tired eyes. She’s there, I suppose. I don’t look different, and I don’t really feel different, and maybe that’s what makes me belong here.
I press my hand to my stomach. “This will never be your life,” I vow under my breath.
I snag Kane’s long, silky blue robe from the back of the bathroom door and wrap it around me. The boys haven’t moved, so I slip out the bedroom door and head for the kitchen. The lights are off, but I can smell coffee, and I’m only slightly startled to find Ari sitting on one of the counters slowly spooning something into his mouth from a massive bowl.
He grins around his bite, swallows slowly, then sets it down beside him.
“I can go,” I tell him quickly, but he shakes his head and holds his hand out to me.
I let him snag my wrist and pull me between his legs, and he tips my head up for a kiss. He tastes sweet and fruity, and I realize he’s eating one of those shitty packets of instant peaches-and-cream oatmeal. It’s such a strange little quirk for such a psychopathic killer, and I realize in this moment, I’m madly in love with him.
“Did you sleep at all?” I ask.
He shakes his head. ‘Tomorrow.’ He drops his hand to my cheek and strokes my jaw with his thumb. ‘I know there’ssomething in me that’s wrong. Broken.’ When I start to argue, he presses a finger to my lips. ‘Listen.’
I nod. “I’m sorry.”
He smiles and leans in to rub his nose against mine—a soft gesture to forgive. ‘I don’t know what love feels like, but I know that I will ruin the world for you and…’ His fingers hesitate. He starts to spell a word, and I form each letter with my lips. ‘Our child.’
My head spins, and I have to take a breath. “Yes.”
He tugs me even closer, then slips down to the ground and presses a hand to my stomach. It’s easy to get lost in the sensation of his lips on mine, his tongue tasting every inch of me. He doesn’t kiss me like he wants to reach a conclusion. He kisses me like he wants to draw this out for the rest of our lives.
And I’m okay with that.
Eventually, we part, and I end up with coffee and he takes his food, and we curl up in the little nook by the window that no one in the house ever uses. He watches me over the rim of the bowl.
‘Is coffee bad for the baby?’
I snort. “The doctor said one cup every now and again is fine. And after last night…”
Ari’s eyes go a little dark. ‘Regrets?’
“No,” I say honestly. “Maybe I will later. Maybe it’ll hit me somewhere down the road and I’ll hate myself for what I did. But I’ll never regret that he’s dead.” I stare at him a bit longer, at his clean hands, which were stained just hours ago. Hands that finally got to rain vengeance down on the people who hurt him. “You?”
He signs nothing for a long while. He just finishes his food, then sets the bowl to the side, and his eyes lock on a beam of sunlight to the right. After what feels like a short eternity, he breathes out. ‘Kane was right. Nothing we do can change thepast. And I feel like more of a monster because I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would.’
It takes me some time to fully process what he’s signing. He repeats a few words, spells a few others, but I finally get it.
“Would you change it?”
He hesitates, then shrugs. ‘I wish I could give that moment to the boy she hurt instead of the man who found his home after.’
I understand that more than I care to admit. Ending Guido’s life was the right thing to do, but the hurt, terrified young girl would have gotten more out of it than me—than the woman who is loved and cherished and has a future ahead of her.
Before I can say anything else, I hear footsteps on the stairs and glance over my shoulder. Phoenix appears, and Ari knocks on the table, making him smile. He makes his way over to us and drops his hands to my shoulders, which tells me he’s got his AI earbud in.
“Good morning, darling girl,” he says, dropping down to kiss my neck.
I shudder softly and smile as he lets go and moves over to Ari. Phoenix doesn’t hold back as he takes Ari by the front of the throat, lifts him to his feet, then kisses him. They fall back against the window, ruining the blinds, but neither one of them seems to care.
It’s a gift to watch, and I’m distracted enough that I don’t notice the second person to walk in until Kane drops into the chair next to me and pulls me close. He touches my chin and turns my face for a kiss.
