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Peyton laughed softly into the kiss, then pulled back. “Yeah? I’m not, like, super fit or anything.”
Hudson’s head tilted to the side as he read the rush of insecurity in Peyton’s tone. “Do you want to be?”
Peyton shrugged. “Sometimes, but I don’t know if it’s just because of the way people look at me in public. I never bothered when I was just doing casual hookups because I never really thought I was the kind of guy someone would want to settle down with.”
“What kind of guy is that? A sweeter than sunshine baker who adopts stray cats and bakes the most amazing desserts I’ve ever tasted?” Hudson asked, curling his fingers into Peyton’s hair and pulling him close. He kissed his pulse, his jaw, his shoulder. “A guy so responsive, he can’t hold back noises just from being caressed?” He proved his point by dragging fingertips over the back of Peyton’s neck and making him groan.
Peyton took a shaking breath and shrugged as he pulled back. “I didn’t say it was logical.”
Hudson offered him a smile, stroking the edge of Peyton’s chin with his thumb. “I work out a lot.”
Peyton gave Hudson’s bicep a squeeze and waggled his eyebrows. “Yeah. I can tell.”
Rolling his eyes, Hudson leaned in and nipped at his jaw. “It’s not to impress you. It’s for my core.”
“I get it,” Peyton said quietly. His hands moved lower until Hudson couldn’t feel them anymore, so he looked down to see Peyton stroking fingers over his hip. “And for what it’s worth, I’d be attracted toyouno matter what your body looked like.”
Hudson couldn’t help but doubt him, but it didn’t matter. He kissed Peyton again, slowing them down, taking his time to just bask in this moment. “If you want to go to the gym with me, you’re more than welcome. It’s adaptive, so whatever your body needs, there’s something for you to use.” He ducked his head so he could meet Peyton’s gaze. “But you don’t need to. I like you exactly as you are now, and I’ll like you however you become.”
Peyton blew out a puff of air, his gaze darting away. “Can um.” He stopped and Hudson waited a long moment.
“Can what?” he pressed when it was clear Peyton was struggling.
“Can we just do this for a little bit?” The words came out in a rush, like Peyton was embarrassed. “I know you wanted to—ah—do more, but…”
Hudson didn’t let him finish, he just shifted himself down further and pulled Peyton until they were curled up together. “Like this?”
Peyton shrugged and huffed a quiet laugh that he tried to muffle against Hudson’s shirt. “It’s ridiculous, I know. I just…this morning when I went home, I kept thinking about how amazing it was last night. But it was also kind of overwhelming. It took me so long to feel brave enough to let someone see me—touch me. And…” He trailed off with a quiet, frustrated growl. “You’re so sex positive and making all these amazing sex toys, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up. I wasn’t even able to get an erection until last night.”
Hudson laughed. He couldn’t help it. The idea that Peyton was worried he wouldn’t have a strong enough sex drive for a man who most of the time couldn’t even feel his dick was…well, he was pretty sure that was irony.
When Peyton tried to pull away, Hudson held him tighter. “I’m not laughing at you, baby,” he said roughly, fingers clinging to Peyton’s waist. “I’m laughing because I never thought I’d find anyone like you. I’m not here because I want to spend every waking hour getting off. You’re the first person I’ve let close to my body since Austin, and it was amazing. But this is good too. This iseverything.”
Peyton relaxed and turned his face up, still looking uncertain. “Are you sure?”
Hudson let out a small huff and stroked his lover’s cheek. “I don’t make sex toys because it’s the only thing I think about. I make them because after my illness, I came face to face with a whole fucking society of people who felt more comfortable neutering people like me, and making us believe that was the only way anyone would be comfortable. It’s bullshit. But I likeyou. Not just your dick. Even though it is a really pretty dick.”
Peyton flushed and buried his face again, laughing hard. “Okay, yeah. I get it. I’m being a dumbass.”
Hudson stroked fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp and making him groan. “You’re not.” He understood. It would take time for both of them to accept whatever it was they were moving toward.
He could see the future if he tried hard enough. He could see them together—Peyton’s cat, his bird, a kitchen full of baked goods, a long day at the office followed by a quiet evening on the sofa. He could see Peyton in his bed, waking up to him every morning, loving the hell out of him as they got older, and greyer, and softer.
He could see Peyton beside him during all the triumphant moments, and all the times when shit hit the fan.
He could see himself standing strong against his mother and having the strength never to speak to her again because he had his own family, and he was loved.
All of this was an image behind a stained-glass window. He just needed time, and the right number of steps to break through it.
“I know this is new,” he said after a long beat, “but it feels important. I want to do this right.”
“So do I,” Peyton murmured. He pressed another kiss to Hudson’s ribs, right at the spot he was most sensitive. “We just need some patience, don’t we?”
“If my life has taught me anything, it’s that I know how easy it is to wait for the important things.”
“Like what?” Peyton asked, lifting his head. He was fishing and fuck if Hudson cared.
He grinned, then urged Peyton up higher so he could lay a soft, delicate kiss to his lips. “Like you. Like us.”
